Woody Was Going To Write A Book

Woody was going to write a book.

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Woody is at the Bark n Barley Bar talking with bartendress Mimosa.
Mimosa: Why are you so down, Woody?
Woody: I was going to write a book and be famous.
Mimosa: So what happened?
Woody: I went to the library and saw that they already have plenty of books.

It’s More Fun To Be A Pirate…

It's More Fun To Be A Pirate
Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Capt’n Stumpy standing on a beach while his sailboat the Shiver Me Timbers is anchored off shore flying a pirates skull and crossbones flag.
Capt’n Stumpy: It’s more fun to be a pirate than to join the Navy.

How Does It Know?

Cherry is puzzled about thermos bottles.

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Cherry is writing in her daily log and journal.
Cherry (thinking and writing): Hmmm… so today at scholl my teacher asked what was the greatest invention and I said the THERMOS BOTTLE.
Cherry (thinking and writing more): It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.
Cherry: How does it know?

Oakey Pokey’s Bag Full Of Chickens

How many chickens does Oakey Pokey have in that bag?
Cartoon Dialog:  Setting.  Woody meets Oakey Pokey at a fork in the road.  Oakey is carrying a bag.
Woody: What’s in the bag, Oakey Pokey?
Oakey Pokey: Chickens
Woody: So if I guess how many chickens will you give me one?
Oakey Pokey: Shucks, Woody, if you can guess how many chickens, I’ll give you both of them.

Coffee Cream Confusion

Some confusion at the Bark n Barley Bar when Woody asks Mimosa for coffee without cream.
C
artoon Dialog: Setting: Woody just finished a brew at the Bark n Barley Bar and thinks he needs some coffee.
Woody: Hey Mimosa, I’ll have a coffee without cream.
Mimosa: Sorry, we’re out of cream.
Mimsa (thinking): Hmm… but we do have milk.
Mimosa: How about a coffee without milk?

Whatever Happened To “A Chicken In Every Pot”

A Hillary Clinton-like person is talking on TV about how poor they were.

Cartoon Dialogue: Setting: Woody and W.C. Tree at the Bark n Barley Bar.  A Hillary Clinton-like person talking on the bar TV.
Hillary-like person:  …and we were so poor that the Arkansas Bank came over and repossessed the Free calendar they gave us at the county fair…
Woody:  What ever happened to politicians promising “A chicken in every pot?”
W. C. Tree: Yeah… or saying “What this country needs is a good five cent cigar?”

What Would Happen If Moses Had An iPad

What would happen if Moses had an iPad?

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Moses is up in the mountains with an iPad.  There is a scroll of the Ten Commandments laying at his feet.
Big Voice From The Sky (and lightning bolt): No, Moses, I said SCROLL DOWN to the Ten Commandments link, then press the ETCH IN STONE button.
Moses: Confused – question marks over his head.
Caption at Bottom: Moses thought his first iPad help desk call went rather badly.

Time Question Confusion

Mimosa's a bit confused about Woody's time question.

Cartoon Dialog:
Setting: Woody is having a brew at the Bark ‘n Barley Bar.  Mimosa, the bartendress, is pouring another brew.
WoodY: Hey, Mimosa, do you know what time it is?
Mimosa: You mean right now?

How Fern Gives 100% At Work

Fern doesn't quite get it when the boss Mr. BigTwig says everyone should give 100% at work.

Cartoon Setting:
Maple and Fern are chatting in the office by the water cooler and Fern’s computer workstation.
Maple: Mr. BigTwig said we should all give 100% at work…
Fern: Oh, I always give 100%… 10% on Monday, 20% on Tuesday, 45% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday…

Police Pull Over Confusion

Mimosa has a little confusion when the police tell her to pull over.

Cartoon Dialog:
DeadWood, the acting police officer, is trying to pull Mimosa over.  He is riding his Holly Davidson Unicycle.  Mimosa is wearing a tight, pink, cardigan sweater.
DeadWood: Pull over.
Mimosa: No, it’s a cardigan, actually, but thanks for noticing.