Always Plan Ahead

It pays to plan ahead

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Woody is pointing to a big sign.  The sign says “It Pays To Always Plan Ahead.”  But Woody didn’t plan ahead when he drew the sign because he ran out of space on the sing and the worrd “Ahead” is squeezed into the last part of the sign, barely fitting in it.

The Long And The Short Of The Stock Market

Stock market long and short

Cartoon Dialog: Setting:  Mimosa the bartendress and Woody are in the Bark n Barley Bar.  A TV announcer is talking on TV.
TV Announcer: And in the stock market, our very own analyst Yul B. Broker, recommends you  go long MilliSoft, and short ACME corporation.
Mimosa: I don’t get that stock market talk, Woody.
Woody: It’s easy, Mimosa.  When you’re long, you make money when your stock goes up.  And when you’re short, you make money when your stock goes down.
Mimosa: Ahhh… I think I’ve got it…  So… here’s to your longs going up, and your shorts going down.
Woody: I’ll drink to that.

Libertarian Chicken About To Cross The Road

Why did the chicken cross the road

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: A chicken is standing by the road across from a pub.
Chicken (thinking): I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Always Finish What You…

Always finish what you...

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Woody pointing to a big sign.  Te big sign says, “Always finish what you sta”

Putting Off Procrastination

Elmer seems to be procrastinating.

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Elmer in his backyard barbecuing.
Elmer (thinking): I’m better at procrastination than anyone I know… that is, whenever I get around to it.

Old People Drinking

The health benefits of old people drinking.
Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Woody and Mimosa the bartendress at the Bark ‘n Barley Bar.  A news reporter is talking on the TV on the wall.
News Reporter: A recent university study concludes that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density.
Woody: They need it.
Mimosa: Why’s that?
Woody: They’re the ones falling down the most.

There Are Facts And Then There Are Facts

Some facts are better than other facts.
Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Woody and WC Tree having a brew together at the Bark ‘n Barley Bar:  Hillary Clinton is on the TV screen.
Hillary: It’s a fact that we were so poor that the Bank of Arkansas came over and repossessed the free calendar they gave us at the county fair…
Woody: I’m always suspicious of “FACTS.”
WC Tree: Yeah, the only ones I trust are the ones I make up myself.

Mimosa’s Bartending Tips

Mimosa demonstrates how to enjoy a fine wine.
Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Mimosa in the Bark ‘n Barley Bar, with an open bottle of wine, demonstrating how to enjoy it.
Mimosa: The secret to enjoying a good wine is simple… Step 1: Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.  Step 2: If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth to mouth resuscitation.

WC Tree Has Money Regrets

WC Tree regrets how he wasted money.
Cartoon Dialog: Setting: WC Tree and Woody down at the Bark ‘n Barley Bar talking.
WC Tree: I spent ninety percent of my money on wine, women and song… and basically just wasted the other 10 percent.

Putting Things In The Same Place

Elmer has some comments about Maple moving things.Setting: Elmer and Maple are in the kitchen,  Elmer is looking for the bowl – which is right in front of him.
Elmer: Where’s the bowl?
Maple (pointing right at it and talking to her girlfriend on the phone, saying: Sorry, I had to fin all of the things that were in plain sight for Elmer.Elmer: I don’t care where you put it, just pleas put it back in the same place every time so I can find it.