Honor To Our Chinese WoodChips

This month the WoodChips site received more views from China and our Chinese WoodChips friends than any other non US  country in the world.  So in honor of them we made this cartoon – using a great Chinese Proverb.  The Chinese have always had so many of these condensed pieces of wisdom about life.  And we hope the proverb in Chinese of  不要侮辱鱷魚,直到你過了河 means “It is best to cross the river first before telling the crocodiles they have bad breath” or something to that effect.

If it means this and our Chinese friends are amused and honored, then we take full credit for the traditional writing.  If not, and it means something totally crazy like I have a carrot stuck in my ear, then we lay the blame entirely on Google Translate (chuckle).

However it works out, congratulations to our Chinese readers – we value your support and hope you pass our small token of appreciation on to your friends, who can sign up for their own free copy of our WoodChips cartoon newsletter, and very cool free WoodChips calendars at www.TheWoodChips.com/n.

P.S. Last month it was the WoodChips of France who took the prize.  This month the Chinese WoodChips took the prize from France, although France made another good showing..

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Captn Stumpy trying to cross a river with a lot of hungry crocodiles with jaws open and not happy with him.
Caption: Old Chinese Proverb: 不要侮辱鱷魚,直到你過了河
Captn Stumpy: Aarrgghh… Is best to cross the river before telling the crocodiles they have bad breath.

The President Gives Stock Market Advice

Worried about the stock market? Here's some advice from the President.

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Woody and Mimosa at the Bark n Barley Bar and a newscaster announcing breaking news on the television.
Newscaster: BREAKING NEWS…Today the stock market crashed hundreds of points!  Attempting to reassure the public, the President said, “Let me be clear, if I wasn’t President, I’d be buying stocks right now.”
Mimosa: What do you think about that, Woody?
Woody: Oh, I agree with him… If he wasn’t the President, I’d be buying stocks too.

Oakey Pokey’s Right To Bear Arms Confusion

WoodChips character Oakey Pokey may be confused about the constitutional right to bear arms.

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Woody meets Oakey Pokey at the Fork In The Road.  Oakey Pokey has a long gun over his shoulder and his sirt sleeves are torn off and laying in the road beside him.
Woody: What happened to your shirt sleeves, Oakey Pokey?
Oakey Pokey: I tore them off.
Woody: Why did you do that?
Oakey Pokey: ‘Cuz I’m excercising my constitutional right to bare arms.
Note a little arrow is pointing to Oakey Pokey’s bare, sleeveless arms.

OMG! We Need Another Government

Maple is beginning to think we need a new government.
Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Maple and Elmer are watching legislation being passed in Washington D.C.

Senator: All in favor of the Omnibus Resolution for Perpetual War, Health Care Clarification Act (with 12,347 new rules), Freedom To Pilfer IRA Retirement Savings Act, the new Anticipated Dividend / Capital Gains Tax, Citizen’s Email Seizure Bill… hmmm… and funding Senator BlunderBum’s Grease My Campaign Contributors New Bridge To Nowhere Earmark… say Aye.

Maple: Oh My God!!!  We need another government just to protect us from our current government.

Have You Noticed This About Your Underwear

As you get older have you noticed this about your underwear.

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: June Nipper standing with her guitar and a drink, asking a question.
June Nipper: Have you noticed as you get older that your underwear creeps up on you…
June continues: … and you kind of like it.

I think this would make a funny birthday card, don’t you?

Vegetarian Is Just An Old Indian Phrase

A lively discussion about being a vegetarian in the Bark n Barley Bar.

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Mimosa, Woody and an Indian are in the Bark n Barley Bar.  Woody is eating a giant cheeseburger.
Mimosa: Woody, you shouldn’t eat that, it has a lot of fat in it.  You should be a vegetarian and get healthy.
Woody: Vegetarian!   Yechhh!  I’ll never give up my carnivorous ways.
Indian: Yeah, right, Woody!  Vegitarian is just an old Indian word for BAD HUNTER.

Just Exactly What Is A STRATEGY, Joe?

President Obama seems a bit confused about what a strategy is...

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: The White House.  President Obama and Vice President Joe are talking.
President Obama: Just exactly what is a STRATEGY, Joe?  Is it a fund raising technique… or maybe a new way to use my teleprompter… or what???
Vice President Joe: Hmmm… not sure where to begin with this one, Chief…

TRIBUTE TO FRANCE! J’aime le barbecue le plus …

This month, WoodChips subscribers in France viewed the WoodChips site more than any other non-US country.  So in a tribute to them, we created this cartoon in French.

And it seems to be a nice French sentiment, and one of mine as well.  Now, you have to be careful with translations, I mean, this may mistakenly say something like “Dan stuck a carrot in his ear,” so read with a grain of salt.

Click here for the English translation... or what I think it says (chuckle).

J'aime le barbecue le plus ...

That’s Why The Boss Makes The Big Bucks!

That's why the Mr. BigTwig the boss makes the big bucks.

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Maple has just entered Mr. BigTwigs office.  Behind his desk, Mr. BigTwig has a poster on the wall that says, TEAMWORK – A bunch of people doing what I say.
Maple: So what do you want to do boss?
Mr. BigTwig: Well, there a re a couple of things… so let’s start with one and then finish up with the other.
Maple: Wow, that’s why you get paid the big bucks.

You Know You Are Drunk When…

You know you are drunk when... W. C. Tree explains to Woody how you know you are drunk.

Cartoon Dialog: Setting: Woody and W. C. Tree are having brews down at the Bark n Barley Bar.
W. C. Tree: Drunk is when you feel SOFISSCATED… but can’t pronounce it.
Woody: Good to know, W. C.