Woody Kinda Learns A Lesson

Well, one Saturday afternoon just about every tree was down at the Bark ‘n Barley Bar having a drink and talking about everything and nothing all at the same time.  W. C. Tree was slammin’ um down real steady like, spewing his usual stuff.

And Woody was braggin’ real loud about how he just took a little old lady tree for three thousand tree dollars.  You could hear him all over the bar, of course.  Surprisingly, nobody noticed after a while when he suddenly got real quiet.  Perhaps it’s because folks just eventually tuned him out.

The first clue anyone had that something was up was when Juan Motime noticed Woody whispering to Captain Stumpy.  Stumpy just shook his head,  said “aaarggg,” reached into his pocket, and laid a ten dollar bill on the bar next to Woody’s.

Juan noticed Woody order a beer from Mimosa, and when she put it on the bar, he got this sleazy, mischievous look in his eye.  Capt’n Stumpy seemed to have an amused look of anticipation on his face too.

There was a lull at the bar, and all of a sudden, the biggest commotion you ever heard started up.  Mahogany let out a deep dark SisterTree yell, turned around fast and backlimbed Woody such a good one he fell over.

Then there was the crash of a beer mug hitting the floor, and to everyone’s amazement, Mahogany sat on Woody, and I’m saying not in a good way.  That Mahogany’s a pretty hefty sister tree, so Woody was squirmin’ and shouting, just trying to get away.  He finally managed to wriggle out from under Mahogany and ran from the bar rather unceremoniously with Mahogany chasing right behind him yelling, at the top of her lungs.

Juan noticed Capt’n Stumpy laughin’ real hard and pocketing Woody’s ten along with his own.  Curiosity getting the better of him, Juan sauntered over to Stumpy and ask what gives.  It was all Stumpy could do to talk, but between his fits of laughter, he finally let it be known that Woody had made a bet with him and lost.

Woody’d told Stumpy he bet he could balance a cold beer on Mahogany’s butt and it wouldn’t fall off.  Of course, Stumpy had rightly surmised Mahogany wouldn’t stand for this, something that hadn’t occurred to “Mr. Sensitivity” Woody, and so Stumpy had taken the bet.  Events had occurred as he’d predicted, so the Capt’n had picked up an easy ten, as well as some good entertainment.

Mahogany wasn’t so entertained, of course, and let it be known she was going to skin the polyester bark off Woody the next time she saw him.

Woody didn’t come around the Bark n’ Barley for days until Mimosa told him Mahogany was going out of town on business for a month.  After that, Woody kind of slithered back into the bar, but kept lookin’ over his shoulder in a nervous sort of way.  Well, Woody’d kind of learned a lesson, but I don’t think it’s going to stick for long.  He’s already starting to spew sawdust and misbehave again.

I think he’d just better just hope Mahogany stays out of town a few more weeks until she’s cooled off.  Of  course by then he’ll be back to all his old Woody ways.

There seems to be no fixin’ some folks, you know.

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