A Little WoodChip BarkGround

I’d like to start my story with long ago and far away, there were these tree people called the WoodChips.  And that would be true enough, but also miss an important point which is the Tree People are still with us today.

They’re all around us.

We may not be aware of them, but they’re very aware of us.  They call us the PeoplePeople, as opposed to TreePeople, kind of like our repetition when we call ourselves Homo Sapiens Sapiens (see WoodChip Science).  But since PeoplePeople is rather redundant, they normally just say the People.

And on balance they like us People, except when we do bad things like chop down trees, or burn their southern relatives in the rain forests, or any of our other misdeeds.

Fortunately for us, they’re very patient, tolerant and forgiving, something we could all learn from them.   Most of all they’re patient.  Some have lived five thousand years.  They’re called the RedWoods, and they’re very wise.  So wise, that to be called a RedWood is a giant complement.

The WoodChips have their problem trees too, of course, just like us People have our problem people.  You’ll meet some of them later.

The WoodChips have basic industries they specialize in.  Their main industry, of course, is making oxygen.

They also make rustling noises with their leaves, which have a calming effect on the People.  According to WoodChip statistics, they prevented 1,305,192 losses of temper and 11,278 murders last year among the People with their leaf rustling industry.

Some WoodChips are in the food service industry, producing fruit, avocados and nuts.  Others are a seafaring bunch, ranging far and wide across the bounding main, serving as masts on sailboats.

Most of the WoodChips work in the oxygen plant,  although many younger WoodChips enter tree military service where they get real short leafcuts and serve as telephone poles for a specified number of decades.

The Tree People live very long lives compared to us People People. Of course, even though they live a long time, eventually they, too, are called to the Great Forest.  Many of them have wills, leaving their trunks to the paper and pencil factories, so the young children of the PeoplePeople can learn to read and write (this practice forms the origins of the phrase “we’re all penciled in).

Such is the kindness, generosity, and dedication to education of the WoodChips.  The end of their lives aside, the trees thoroughly enjoy life while they live it.  This is evidenced by one of their favorite places to gather, the Bark n’ Barley Bar.


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