A Brief History Of WoodChip Golf

Many WoodChips enjoy a round of golf today, although their game evolved somewhat differently in the Forest than in the land of the PeoplePeople.  The history of WoodChip golf can be broken down into roughly three major periods, these being the early Paleogolfic, the Mezzogolfic, and the Contempogolfic, or modern period.

In the Paleogolfic, CavePeople camping near Forest Eden would sometimes start swinging sticks and stones for no apparent reason (the CavePeople weren’t all that bright, really).  Occasionally, out of sheer luck, one would actually hit a stone with their stick, and it would go whistling through the forest.  Early trees, sensing the danger of this act, began shouting, “Forest, Look Out!” to warn other trees to move their limbs out of harms way.  Eventually this phrase was shortened to “Forest!” and then ultimately just “Fore!”

The practice continues to this day.

The Mezzogolfic period can be characterized as more proactive and less defensive.  The trees began to deliberately move their limbs in front of the flying golf objects, now known as golf balls, which were not so painful to the trees as their rock predecessors had been.

The period starts somewhere in the 1800’s in Scotland, where the ScottishPeople began to wear silly looking hats, as well as funny pants known as knickers, walking around swinging wood and metal sticks, known as clubs, and hitting golf balls.

The trees of the period, thinking this was really ridiculous, began to amuse themselves by stopping as many golf balls as possible, much to the consternation of the Scotch, who ultimately took to inventing and imbibing a strong drink, which they named Irish Whiskey, to relieve their frustration.  Both of these practices, i.e. forest trees jumping (or gumping, in Auld Scottish) in front of golf balls, and golfers relieving their frustrations with strong drink, have carried over into the golf of today.

Modern WoodChip golfers have fully embraced the practices of the game, also wearing silly hats and loudly colored one-legged knickers around their trunks.  Modern play is a cross between conventional People golf, i.e. putting the ball in a hole, and dodge ball, as some golfers now prefer to try to hit other trees in the surrounding forest (known as Gumpers).

The greatest of all WoodChip golfers was Palmer (depicted in this scholarly article).  Palmer was affectionately known as Arnie, although no amount of historical research has ever been able to reveal the source of his nickname.  Arnie was a purist, advocating the use of woods only.  To this day, most WoodChips use wooden clubs, their favorite being a wooden wedge used for chip shots.  The WoodChips are exceptionally good at this type of shot, some chipping for over two hundred yards.  This is often called an Arnie.

In summary, it appears WoodChip golf is here to stay, the sport being truly ingrained in wood culture.  While many golf futurist have unsuccessfully tried to predict the evolution of the game (known as Fore-Casting), only time will reveal the future variations the WoodChips will bring to the sport.

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