I got the idea for this cartoon while installing Windows 8, rather painfully I might say, on my new laptop this week.  And of course, Kim Jong and his bravado from North Korea has been all over the news, so the two ideas just kind of congealed into an obvious ”double failure to launch” idea, so to speak.

MilliSoft (not the real company name) has done it yet again, by releasing yet another scrambled eggs Windows operating system that moves everything you count on all around, and of all things, totally gets rid of the START button – which most of us have come to rely on quite heavily.

So while I was sweating and cursing while trying to do the most basic things, I had my usual four fantasies which are…

1) Sneaking into MilliSoft employees cars at night and moving all the car controls around — like hiding the ignition key insert in the trunk, moving the gear shift to under the back seat, putting the windshield wiper controls under the hood by the engine, and other thoughts — just so they could feel my pain tomorrow morning as they tried to start their cars and rush to work.

2) Fantasizing about converting to Linux.

3) Taking an irrevocable blood oath that my next machine would be a Macintosh.

4) Pulling out a revolver and shooting my new laptop (except I don’t own any firearms so this one, sadly, I had to rule out).

Ultimately, I found a free START button on the internet recommended by PC World, which I installed, and it worked, and things are now going swimmingly.  I’m back in business.

And on a final note, in the interest of journalistic honesty, I’m not really, exactly for sure that Kim Jong converted to Windows 8 this week when I did (mainly because sometimes I just make stuff up).

But if he did, and it’s running his nuclear missile launch system, my experience indicates we are really, really safe (chuckle).

Have a nice, nuclear safe day – J. Daniel

P.S. And yes, I am aware that MiilliSoft’s aim was to make Windows 8 work like the touchscreen on iPhones so people used all of their devices in a standard way – which is laudable – but makes for a really boring story, so I went the guns, Linux, Macintosh route.

P.P.S. Here’s a link to the free Start button for those of you going through Windows 8 Start button trauma – it worked well for me.  http://www.pcworld.com/article/2026719/review-classic-shell-brings-the-start-menu-to-windows-8-for-free.html.

CARTOON DIALOG

Setting: Kim Jong Un in the North Korean Palace.  Sign outside says Kim Jong’s “Let them eat rice cake” Palace, North Korea.  There’s also a nuclear missile out front being started by a WoodChip lighting a match and holding it to a big fuse on the missile.

Kim Jong: Where’s the START button on the missile launch screen?

Kim Jong Aide: Sorry, Kim, we just installed Windows 8 and it doesn’t have a START button.

Kim Jong: Jeez – what’s a young bellicose dictator to do?

Kim Jong Aide: No problem, Boss – we switched to the manual launch system.

Kim Jong: I want a Macintosh!