Chicken Feathers Will Save the World

Elmer EveryGreen found a handy source of feathers to improve his hydrogen fuel tank capacityIn a recent scientific breakthrough chicken feathers have been discovered to have important properties to help solve our energy crisis and other big problems we face.

It turns out that chicken feathers can absorb a great deal of hydrogen.  Hydrogen has long been considered the ideal fuel of the future because it is pollution free and part of a natural cycle.

A natural cycle works kind of like this.  For example, if you burn hydrogen in your car, the exhaust is H₂O, which is water.  You drink the water and then I’m not exactly clear what happens but it gets returned to nature and a miracle happens and it’s hydrogen again.  So, the physics may be a little loose here but you get the picture of a cycle – AND all natural – which is ALWAYS good … except poison ivy maybe.

Why is it important that chicken feathers absorb a lot of hydrogen?  Because hydrogen is not a very dense gas, so in its uncompressed state you need a gas tank bigger than an SUV just to go one mile – actually, kind of like an SUV, come to think of it.

So to increase hydrogen’s density and usefulness, you have a choice.  You can compress it, freeze it, or put it in chicken feathers you stuffed into your car’s gas tank.  I think the choice is obvious, but for those requiring an explanation – here goes.

Imagine in your mind the fiery explosion of the Hindenburg dirigible, then imagine how much more explosive it would have been if the hydrogen had been compressed to hundreds of pounds of pressure.  Now imagine the same thing in your gas tank and then you have a small accident that causes your car to blow up planet earth.  Okay, so no good on the compression method.

Also, freezing hydrogen just takes way too much energy, so what are you left with?

Chicken feathers in your gas tank (I told you this was obvious).

Well, not exactly.  There are actually three absorption material choices you can have in your gas tank.  They are 1) carbon nanotubes – $5,500,000 per car, 2) metal hydrides – $30,000 per car or 3) chicken feathers – $200 per car.

Chicken feathers, you say.    Okay, so where are we going to get all those chicken feathers?

Well, it turns out there are about 4 billion pounds of them produced worldwide each year as a waste byproduct of the big chicken processors.  This is great.  Now we get to recycle some of this waste and reduce pollution in the process.  Here’s another one of those virtuous cycles that goes from chicken genocide to feathers to Detroit to gas tanks to used cars to junk yards and back to chickens.  I may have missed a couple of steps here but you get the point.

Of course, not everyone is happy with this great discovery. The Middle East is all up in arms over the whole concept, but then, the Middle East is always up in arms about something.  Recently, Saddam Whatever issued a fatwa against the godless infidel chickens who were trying to break the oil to greenhouse gas CO₂ cycle (not a virtuous cycle) by saying that chickens should be killed and eaten.

Someone pointed out that humans have been doing this for millions of years already, but the point was largely ignored.

Also, now that chicken feathers have been recognized as a major world resource, other uses for them are being discovered.  One of these is for recyclable electronic circuit boards made from natural soy bean oil and chicken feathers, but that’s not all that interesting so enough said.

However, another new use is for chicken feather charcoal.  Now we’re talking something important – bar-be-cue!   I can just imagine what it would be like to grill with chicken feather briquettes.  Here’s a sample scene from a typical chicken feather bar-be-cue…

Elmer:  Hey Maple, how’s that grilled filet mignon and lobster tail?

Maple:  Great, Elmer.  Tastes like chicken.

Elmer:  Awesome.  Have another brew.

So, to pull it (pullet, heh, heh) all together now,  the special absorption/barbeque features of chicken feathers are going to help us with our water needs, fuel, food preparation, reduce pollution, stop global warming and free us from the oil tyranny of the Middle East.

That’s pretty big doin’s, folks.  Looks like chicken feathers are going to save the world!

Have a nice day – J. Daniel

P.S. Be sure and share this discovery with your friends.  Maybe ask them what experiences they’ve had with chicken feathers?  Or hydrogen?  Could be a nice ice-breaker at a party.   Be prepared for strange answers.

Afterword: So, I bet you think I was making this up (chuckle).  Actually, the discovery is with carbonized chicken feathers.  Yeah, you got it, burnt chicken feathers.  Sweet!  You can view interesting articles on this recent discovery at …

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