We received this cautionary story from
astute WoodChips reader Dave H. who either wrote it, experienced it, or got it
from the internets.  So don’t say we didn’t warn you — and, ummm …
don’t try this at home.

   Yesterday I was at my
local grocery store buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet,
Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked
if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I
told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time,
but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete
so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car
hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he
was laughing so hard.

My local grocery store won’t let me shop there anymore.  Better watch what
you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things
to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends… it will be
their laugh for the day!