I’ve got to say, things have just turned out swimmingly this week.  I mean, help comes from the strangest places — and when you least expect it.

For example, all week I have continued to struggle with the new MilliSoft (not the real company name) operating system called Broken Windows Panes 8 on my new laptop.  And I’ve been plagued by a persistent pop-up window from the Snorton anti-virus company (also not their real name) with dire threats about how I haven’t activated some kind of backup system that they insist I should have (for a fee) and if I don’t my security will be really, really, really threatened.

When all of a sudden, out of the blue, I see on the evening news that the federal government, through their helpful branch the NSA (and an ex-employee now polishing up his Mandarin Chinese), and also big-time into security, has been reviewing and copying all my emails.

I, of course, assume such a benevolent government is being overly modest and is no doubt looking through and copying all my files as well.

And there you have it.

Backup problem solved.

The NSA is now offering free backup for Americans.  And isn’t that a perfect example of a new government program that helps us all.  But it gets better still.  Because they have been doing this as a joint venture with some big businesses.  And isn’t that just the thing – government and business helping each other.  It’s almost too much synergy for a mere mortal citizen to comprehend and appreciate.

Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me to find out they are actually doing this for citizens in other countries around the world as well.  I suppose, technically, they probably classify this as foreign aid or something – but hey, that’s just government speak and no matter really.

Because here’s the great part.  You don’t even have to opt in for the free service.  They just take it on for you with no effort on your part.

So set you computer backup worries aside.  If you ever accidently wipe out your emails, or delete an important file, I bet you can just ask the NSA to download a copy for you.  Of course, you may have to fill out a form(s) or something.  But you’ll be back in business in no time.

Who’d a thunk it (big grin).

Have a backup, worry-free day – J. Daniel

This whole NSA thing kind of puts a new spin on cloud computing… hmmm, clouded in secrecy computing that is.

And wow, who’d of thunk it.  The NSA is now providing free email file backup for all Americans.  That is to say, what with them copying and saving all of our email data, who needs backup anymore.  If you lose something, just write the NSA like Cherry did and they’ll probably restore your files for free.

Those clever guys — what will they think of next?

Of course, being a government agency, there will probably be forms involved that you need to fill out (chuckle).

Have a nice day – J. Daniel

CARTOON DIALOG:

Setting:  WoodChips character Cherry is writing a letter to the NSA.  While she is writing, she is thinking of the NSA Computer – which says NSA – clouded in secrecy computing.  She’s also thinking about her brother Chip, and her recently departed pet butterfly named Lucky.

Cherry: Dear NSA, My brother Chip installed Window 8 on my laptop and wiped out all of my personal emails to my friends.

Can you please send me your copies?

Also, he accidently stepped on my pet butterfly named Lucky.  But maybe there’s not much you can do about that.

Do you have a butterfly terrorist database?

Woody is a little on the sleazy-treezy side, if you get my driftwood. He sells used cars and used insurance for a living and some of his deals are a little questionable.

But there must be some good heartwood deep in that trunk of his because Mimosa is kinda sweet on him, although that may say more good about her than him.  Woody’s just lucky Mimosa worships the ground he keeps his roots in.

He wears paisley ties and has loud tweed polyester bark.  No one knows how this is possible but everyone agrees it matches him to a tree.  And the Woodster mischievously calls the little paisley things on his ties fungameciums just to get a rise out of him.

Anyhow, Woody goes around whistling songs off-key just for fun, although he really has a nice voice and sings in the Barbershop TreeO. He’s an odd one, that WoodyTree.

CARTOON DIALOG

Setting: Woody standing in front of his used car and used insurance business.  There’s a big sign that says “Woody’s Used Karz – We take you for a ride.”

Woody: The secret to success is sincerity.  If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

CARTOON DIALOG

Setting: Mimosa, in her car, has been pulled over by DeadWood, on his Holly Davidson Unicycle.  Mimosa is trying to talk her way out of getting a speeding ticket.  Note that DeadWood is the part time law enforcement in her neck of the woods.

Mimosa:  “I tried to be good, but I got bored.”

DeadWood:  Too surprised to comment.

CARTOON DIALOG:

SETTING:  The President and an Advisor talking in the White House – at the edge of the Fiscal Cliff – sometime in the past.

Advisor: Why so down Chief? Budget worries?

President:  No, as a former Constitutional Law Professor I’m worried we don’t have enough freedom of the press.

Advisor:  Really?  What can we do?

President:  Let’s audit the situation – get the IRS involved, make sure the Press has plenty of contacts and sources.

Advisor:  Good idea, Chief – want me to get them on Benghazi too?

President:  Ummm – I’ll get back to you on that.

OK, so in all fairness, there are a few good politicians out there.

But they are few and far between, and the current bunch are rotten to the core.

What’s a good politician?  I think one that protects property rights, and protects individual rights, and upholds the Constitution.

But I repeat myself.

Have a nice day – J. Daniel

Cartoon Dialog:

Setting: The Bark ‘n Barley Bar, Mimosa and Woody at the bar and Mayor BloomersBunched on TV making an announcement.

Mayor BloomersBunched: From now on I have decreed that all sodas are banned from Yew York Forest.

Mimosa: What’s up with Mayor BloomersBunched, Woody?

Woody: Imagine you are a politician.  Then imagine you are an idiot.  But I repeat myself.

CARTOON DIALOG:

Setting: The Merry Woodster is approaching a fork in the road where there is a red  rose bush.  He leans over to pick up a rose in the path that has fallen from the bush.  And he thinks…

Merry Woodster (thinking): Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns…

Merry Woodster (thinking more): I am thankful that thorns have roses.

Congratulations to Steve as our latest Honorary WoodChip.  Steve has been a long-time enthusiastic supporter of The WoodChips.

You can see him listed along with other WoodChips Luminaries here – Honorary WoodChips.

Enjoy your 15 minutes of fame!

J. Daniel

I got the idea for this cartoon while installing Windows 8, rather painfully I might say, on my new laptop this week.  And of course, Kim Jong and his bravado from North Korea has been all over the news, so the two ideas just kind of congealed into an obvious ”double failure to launch” idea, so to speak.

MilliSoft (not the real company name) has done it yet again, by releasing yet another scrambled eggs Windows operating system that moves everything you count on all around, and of all things, totally gets rid of the START button – which most of us have come to rely on quite heavily.

So while I was sweating and cursing while trying to do the most basic things, I had my usual four fantasies which are…

1) Sneaking into MilliSoft employees cars at night and Read the rest of this entry »