De-Suckify or desuckify: [dee-suhk'-if-aye]; verb; origins Latin suckus nil (literally to suck not); def. the act of trying to convince others that something that really sucks, doesn’t. Usage examples 1: A major US political party is currently trying to de-suckify certain health care legislation to the American public. 2: The computer systems engineers totally botched up the new web site and tried to de-suckify it with the users by convincing them all the bugs were actually features.

P.S. By the way, I’m not saying just exactly which political party is being referred to here, but their initials are a capital D followed by a lowercase emocrats.  Also, in the interest of fairness, we disrespect both major American political parties equally on this site .

Cartoon Dialog:
Setting: Elmer and Doctor TreeAge, both standing in his doctors office.
Doctor TreeAge: I’m sorry to say that you have CDO.
Elmer: What’s CDO?
Doctor TreeAge: It’s like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order the way they should be.

In Case Your Friend Didn’t Get The Joke:
Hey, we know you got the joke, but in case your friend didn’t, this is how you can explain it.  OCD is Read the rest of this entry »

CARTOON DIALOG:
Setting: Elmer watching the television news, almost spilling the drink in his hand.
Newscaster: “This just in… Americans are richer than ever before… except for the poor and most of the middle class.”

Setting:  The Merry Woodster is trudging on a path with ice, in the cold.  Nearby is a church, but farther up on the hill is a tavern.

Merry Woodster (thinking):  The church is near, but the roads are icy, the tavern is far, but I will walk carefully.

Many tree rings ago, in about 1620 more or less, there was a small forest in the old world of England. The trees in this forest wore funny hats and big shoe buckles on their roots and were known as Pilgrims, although no one really knows why they were called such an un-tree like name.

Why they were not called the Oaks, or even Quercus Roburs, the Latin name for English Oak, because lots of trees spoke Latin back then, remains an historical mystery to this day.

All that aside, life was okay for the PilgrimTrees, but day by day they grew more discontent in the old Forest. Their unhappiness stemmed from the fact that they were not allowed freedom of exercise.

So they decided to split for the New Forest.

Actually, to be historically accurate, they had already split once to another forest called Holland, a crazy kind of place where the trees wore wooden shoes which the Pilgrims thought was just too weird. Worse yet, in Holland, they had too much Read the rest of this entry »

FREE 2014 WoodChips calendars now available.  Click here to get yours now… Did I mention they are FREE

Cartoon Dialog: Woody and Mimosa are in the GrocerTree store choosing a frozen Bummerball Turkey — you know, the ones that are packed in the plastic netting.
Woody: What do you think of this turkey, Mimosa?
Mimosa: Ummm – I don’t know. You’d think the turkeys would see the net and just run.
Have a happy Thanksgiving – J. Daniel

The free WoodChips calendars have been very popular, with many people around the world downloading them.  So as the year 2013 draws to a close, I thought to see which calendar had been downloaded the most.

The Lady of Leisure calendar cartoon pictured above was the winner, so I made sure this calendar would be available again in 2014.

The cartoon’s idea of having to keep many plates spinning in the air at one time certainly resonated with many women, which is not surprising because the cartoon was actually created by women.  I originally got the spinning plates idea from a woman as a request for Read the rest of this entry »

What can be better than Cool and Free?! So, hey, get your FREE 2014 WoodChips calendars here … they have all the cool holidays like Belly Laugh Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day – even National WoodChips Day … and yeah, yeah, we have all the normal, boring holidays on it as well — big deal …

Also, there are other calendars to choose from… and we’ll be adding more in the next few weeks, so you might want to check back from time to time…

So just scroll on down and Maple will point to where you need to sign up to get your cool calendars … and you get the free WoodChips newsletter as well …

Have a nice day – J. Daniel

P.S. Also, don’t mess with dragons (chuckle) – just a little health tip for you … or you’ll be having a bad day at the office like Sir BranchALot in the calendar cartoon above.

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CARTOON DIALOG:
Setting: WoodChip Elmer standing in front of his barbecue grill in the dark of night flipping a burger and quaffing a brew.
Elmer (thinking); Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night… stays this Bar-B-Que Meister from his appointed grill…

Wow – there sure is a lot of confusion in healthcare and government these days.  It’s hard to know what’s going on.

And those Viagra commercials just add to the whole thing with their dire warnings about using their product…  although I had a buddy of mine tell me over the phone the other day that if he had a four hour “election”  he’d be so happy he’d post a picture on Facebook about it.  But he suddenly took that statement back… don’t know why exactly, if it was “too much information” or the fact that he noticed an NSA drone circling over his house shortly after the phone call.

Anyhow, I guess the country will get it all sorted out in the end (chuckle).  For some reason I keep thinking about Winston Churchill’s line when he said “You can always count on America to do the right thing… after they had tried everything else.”

Have a nice day – J. Daniel

CARTOON DIALOG:

Caption: Confusion abounds in Healthcare these days…

TV Announcer: So men, try the magic blue pill Viagra… WARNING! If you have an e#ection lasting more than four hours seek medical help immediately!

Mimosa (bartendress): I don’t get it!  What do elections have to do with the medical field?  Is this more government meddling in healthcare???.

Woody (at the bar): Hmmm… not exactly sure where to start with this explanation…