Don’t you just love it when you ask someone for directions and they verbally rip them off faster than an auctioneer on speed, and then they end the sentence with, “Ya can’t miss it!”

Yes I can. 

I had this happen for the hundredth time in my life yesterday as I was trying to find a new park here in Orlando. 

It seemed simple enough from my due diligence search for Moss Park in MapQuest.  All I had to do was go south on Semoran Blvd, hang a left at Hoffner Rd, follow it as it turned into Narcoosee and then MapQuest indicated it was on my left at Youllneverfindit Rd (might have made that last one up). 

Put another way, hang a left out of my residence, then one more left and stay on that road until I was there.  Easy … can’t miss it. 

I did just that and sure enough, there was a park sign that said Moss Park was on the left … right there at Youllneverfindit Rd.  So I hung a left as instructed. 

Couldn’t find it. 

So I stopped in a 7-11 (where I had just bought a cherry slurpie a few minutes before wandering all over creation looking for the blamed Moss Park) and asked them if Moss park was nearby.  

“Oh yes, your right there,” was the reply. 
“Is it on the left,” I asked.
“Yes, it’s on the left.”
“About how far from here.”
“Oh, about ¾ of a mile … Ya can’t miss it!” 

So I wandered around for some time, apparently missing it and missing it.  Finally, out of desperation and with no other idea what to do I just kept driving on Youllneverfindit Rd … and finally found it. 

Which is amazing, since it wasn’t on the left.  Youllneverfindit Rd actually dead ends straight into the park,  so it was technically on the “straight ahead,” not the left or right.  And it wasn’t ¾ of a mile, which kept making me turn around and go back after 2 or 3 miles.  It was 7 miles down the road. 

So outside of MapQuest being wrong, the side of the road I was being told being wrong, and the distance being wrong … well, “ya just can’t miss it.” 

I’m thinking next time I ask for directions, I hope they end the conversation with “you sure can miss it,” or better yet “You’ll probably never find it anyway.” 

Somehow I feel that will give me more confidence and hope.  I guess it’s a Zen thing. 

Have a nice day … ya can’t miss it – J. Daniel

Our new Honorary WoodChip, Thea W. seemed pleased with her award.

She was honored for “her unbridled WoodChips enthusiasm and sharing the posts and links with her friends.”  Her most recent post to friends was as follows …   

   If you need a daily dose of humor please follow Dan Roberts – the creator of these cartoons.    Warning: if you have a weak bladder, you might want to consider wearing some Depends before proceeding to read his blogs.     Don’t say I didn’t warn ya …  

I must say, WoodChips Central and the Nominating Committee were both unanimous in their votes on this. I think it was the Depends line that got them, really.

Thea gave a stirring acceptance speech with all the proper decorum, shown in full below … 

Over the holidays I had the privilege of meeting Peter Wright over the internet.  He had viewed the WoodChips, made some good comments, and asked me some questions about an advanced web site building / internet marketing training program put on by Early To Rise (an organization I am an alumnus of).

So in the process, I went out to look at his web site.  Casually clicking on the About section I began to read his story.  It was inspirational, to say the least.  I’ll just briefly summarize his story here, because candidly, I can’t do it justice and you really owe it to yourself to go out to his site and read it.

But briefly, he was born in London, spent some time in Rhodesia, then South Africa, then back to Zimbabwe (as Rhodesia had become), where in 2000, he and his family experienced first-hand the reign of terror by President Mugabe.  Subsequently, he relocated to Canada, where he now resides.

Peter is a resourceful man, who has started many successful businesses.  At one point in Zimbabwe, before President Mugabe’s terror, he was again living a good life, saying “we had our horses so we could ride around our farm every evening to check on our cattle and see a variety of wild animals, including Kudu antelope, wild pig, warthog, large pythons, monkeys, baboons, many smaller animals, hawks and eagles.”

His successful businesses were all destroyed by the governments of these countries.  So he has had to face losing everything and starting from scratch in a new country more than once.  

About himself, he says, “I am not a hero, I am just an ordinary man that likes animals and nature, but I also value my independence and it is that goal of being self sufficient and a determination to get ahead that has allowed me to pick myself up and keep going.

As Peter says, “It is not what happens to you in life, but how you deal with it.”

I couldn’t have said it better. 

So if you’re ever feeling like you’re having a bad day, just read Peter’s story.  Better yet, read it now – I promise you won’t have many bad days after you do.  And you’ll be inspired to carry on.

Read Peters full story on his web site here.

And have a great day – J. Daniel

There’s been a lot of talk about education problems and ignorance in America these days. 

Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is.  Recently I did some extensive research on this, which is to say I Googled for a few minutes, and pretty much wrote up the first thing I found without checking the facts (the new journalistic standard these days) because I had a deadline to meet. 

I uncovered some of Jay Leno’s Jaywalking interviews by searching for “Ignorance in America,” which for some strange reason returned an amazingly large number of results.  The Jaywalking interviews are where he approaches people on the street and just asks them basic questions. 

As you can see, most of the people did pretty well.  Take Ron’s comments on world history, for example … 

Jay: So Ron, do you know who started World War II?
Ron: Hitler
Jay: What was Hitler’s first name?
Ron: Hitler
Jay: So his full name was Hitler Hitler?
Ron: No, just Hitler … he only had one name … like Cher 

Okay Ron, fair point.  You’re right, Cher only has one name.  Some people might have answered Adolf, but you got us on a technicality here … you clever guy.  Score that one as correct! 

Or how about our religious heritage … here are some insights from Rob when he says … 

Jay: See if you can finish this sentence.
Rob: Sure.
Jay: The meek shall inherit the _______?
Rob:  The wealth?  Sounds like a socialist thing!
Jay: hmmmm …  a socialist thing … so do you know who said it?
Rob: No idea.
Jay: Take a guess …
Rob: Barack Obama?
Jay: No, close … Jesus.
Rob: Really??? 

Rob seemed rather incredulous at the answer … and then went on to explain that he was Jewish. Hmmmm … wasn’t Jesus Jewish?  Well, okay, I mean, it is unrealistic to expect someone to know the name of everyone of their own nationality.  So this was probably an unfair question.  Let’s just throw it out. 

How about knowledge of all of the hard won rights in America?  Like women’s rights, hint, Equal Rights Amendment, for example.  Here are some insightful answers from Jill during Women’s History Month. 

Jay: Have you heard of the ERA?  What’s the ERA?
Jill: It’s the Environmental Rights Agency.
Jay: What is that one?
Jill: For animal rights and women and animals … all together.
Jay: So you feel that women and animals should have the same rights?
Jill: YES I DO. 

Okay Jill – hadn’t quite heard that spin on it before, but you’ll probably get full support from PETA – so we have to score that one as correct. 

Of course, it’s easy to know the history of one’s country, so let’s press the point a bit — onward to famous historical people of foreign countries.  Here’s what John had to say … 

Jay: Why is Joan of Arc famous?
John: I think she was a witch … or a lesbian.
Jay: Could she have been a witch and a lesbian?
John: She could have! 

There you are – technically correct again.  I don’t know that Joan actually was a lesbian, but John is right on the money here – technically it sounds possible to be a lesbian and a witch – there’s probably a web site for them (yup, sure is – just checked this out).  So we have to score this one correct as well. 

Do you see a pattern here?  All these people getting things right on technicalities.  I mean, they are clearly knowledgeable AND able to apply critical reasoning to the questions.  Like I said earlier, I don’t see what the big deal is about education in America.  So at the risk of journalistic overkill, I’ll just do a couple more, but I think I’ve proved my point. 

Concerning Civil Rights, when asked who Rosa Park was, Sally answered, “She wanted to get off the bus, so she sat down.”  See. Correct – she did sit down and a bus was involved.  Hadn’t heard about her wanting to get off the bus, but again, technically correct.  Everyone who gets on a bus eventually wants to get off – usually at the place they were going to. 

And the last question to Mable, “What’s Women’s Suffrage?”  To which she replied, “Being with men?”  Hmmm … a little tough on the guys, Mable, but, well, since fifty per cent of the population probably agrees with this at one time or another, we have to score that correct as well. 

Finally, I was thinking to check out general math skills, but for some reason I was a little scared to go there, probably because math is one of my favorite subjects and I was afraid I might be too hard on the interviewees.  So I took a pass on the math thing. 

So what should we conclude from all of this.  Well, I’m reminded of the old Chinese curse “May you live in interesting times.”  Perhaps we should change that to “May you live in blissful times.” 

Because we sure do, don’t we … seems to be a lot of blissful people in America.  Which reminds me of something I’ve said for years.  And that is, when you get right down to it, there are only three kinds of people in this world …  those that can count and those that can’t. 

I rest my case. 

Have a nice day – J. Daniel 

P.S. You can see the two Jaywalking interviews here on YouTube.   And click here for the second one.
Or paste these links into your browser – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DspmfZw5d0.   
And http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrA7qFYU84A&NR=1.

Also many thanks to Jay for doing the hard boots on the ground research here in “blissful America.”

P.P.S. Please note that I changed the names of the interviewees (to protect the blissful) and paraphrased their responses in the interest of brevity.

Here’s a new Tree-Card for the WoodChip Gals.  Isn’t this a nice way to tell him you are thinking about him.  And hey, how about that subtle little hint that he should be thinking about you … that’s a nice touch. … you are such a smooth operator.

And the Tree-Cards (e-cards) are free!  So why not send him a message right now, how you’re thinking about him, that is.  Just click on the Tree-Cards menu above.

And have a nice day – J. Daniel

Here’s a new Tree-Card for you.  It’s one of three in the new Thinking of You series.  The other two will be appearing shortly.

For the Guy Trees in the audience, this might be a good one to send to the Gal Tree in your life … for no reason at all, on a whim, shall we say.  And the price is definitely right – free!

To send your free Tree e-card just click Tree-Cards above in the menu.

… and have a nice day – J. Daniel

 As promised, here is the second and last post on the amazing Eucalyptus tree. 

You’ll recall in Part I (Eucalyptus-Koala Bears Don’t Catch Colds) I spoofed around a bit, saying that Koala Bears never caught colds because all they eat are eucalyptus leaves, and I promised to be a little more factual in the final post.

So, to be a bit more factual, it turns out Eucalyptus trees are pretty interesting and useful.  There are over 700 varieties of them and they are predominantly in Australia.  They have special oils, one of which we use for those Halls menthol eucalyptus cough drops.  And on warm days in Australia, the vapor from these oils actually creates a distant blue haze in the Australian landscape.

The oils are highly flammable, and Eucalyptus trees have been known to explode, a fact I rather enjoy, so long as no one gets hurt.

But lest you get the wrong impression about them they are very useful to us human types.  I particularly like the fact that they have become a cash crop in poor areas of the world – which really, really need cash.  And they are used for timber, firewood (big surprise), pulpwood, fence posts and charcoal.  They can also be used to create biofuels.

And on balance, they improve our environment and health.  Since they grow so fast, they can be used as windbreaks to reduce soil erosion, and because they draw a large amount of water from the soil they can be used to reduce soil salination.  Their water appetite has even been used to reduce malaria in some regions because they can drain local standing water areas, thus killing off mosquito larvae before they hatch.

Eucalyptus oils can be distilled and used for cleaning, deodorizing, some food supplements, and the ubiquitous cough drops.

The trees are not without some controversy on the ecological front.  Because of their usefulness they have been cultivated in many places in the world outside of Australia, and there have been concerns that they have crowded out other species and reduced the local natural diversity.  But I think this is probably more our fault than the Eucalyptus, in that we humans tend to take useful plants to an extreme and create the monoculture we complain about.

So on balance, the Eucalyptus is quite beneficial and unique.

So there you have it, a tree that helps impoverished people by generating cash, reduces malaria, makes our cough drops, generally hangs out in a cool country like Australia and explodes on occasion just to make things interesting.

I say if the Eucalyptus can do all that, and the Koala bears like them, the trees have my vote.

Have a nice day – J. Daniel

Just when I thought life was getting complicated enough, our whole world has been turned upside down with the recent change in the Zodiac!

Now instead of the twelve signs we’ve all been used to for 3000 years – you know, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio et al, they went and made a thirteenth sign and shifted all the dates around.

The thirteenth sign is called Ophiuchus, and you are an Ophiuchus if your birthday is November 29 to December 17. Don’t feel too smug if you’re not in that date range because they changed all the other dates as well, so while you were sleeping soundly, your horoscope sign may have changed overnight.

I don’t mean to be an alarmist or anything, but I can see some serious problems with all this. Clearly there’s going to be a large segment of the population with an instant identity crisis, flooding the offices of the psychiatrist around the world.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Think of all the forms we are going to have to fill out and all the social network websites we are going to have to update with our new zodiac sign.

Sure, we live in the computer age, so we could hope the IT departments around the world could do a massive system conversion for us, but then we’re just putting ourselves through another Y2K crisis, aren’t we.  And besides, all the IT departments have a ginormous work backlog of forty-eleven years, so I don’t see that helping much.

I can see international productivity plummeting – and just when the economy seemed to be slowly recovering. I don’t know about you, but I’m loading up on food, guns, water and precious metals to survive until civilization as we know it can be restored again.

I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but there is every indication there is a hidden agenda here by some nerdy scientists (probably dysfunctional Virgos) so they could finally get a date.  I mean, the evidence is plain as day.

It seems that said scientists – astronomers, actually, at the Minnesota Planetarium, made up some observation that the earth’s alignment in space has shifted nearly 23 degrees due to the gravitational pull between the moon and the earth.

Hey, this is suspect already. I don’t know about where you live, but the moon is coming up in the same place it always has here in Orlando.

Then they go on to say this affects the alignment of the constellations throughout the year, so they need to come up with a new sign Ophiuchus for November 29 through December 17.

Yeah, right.

And I bet every one of them is telling all the women they’re an Ophiuchus down at the pick-up bars. Just listen to this.

 They say those whose birthdays fall under this sign are said to be knowledge seekers (hmmmm) and could make good architects and scientists (gee, nothing suspicious here).  Ophiuchuns like to dress in bright colors (sure, like all those different colored felt tip pens they have in their shirt pocket in the nerdy little plastic holder), tend to have big families (they wish, if they could ever get a date) and leave their parents’ homes earlier than others (I think they said this just to throw everybody off). 

And according to Love-astrology.com, many people tend to be jealous of Ophiuchuns because of how well they progress through life (yeah – this one takes the cake – tell the girls how successful you are and how you have BIG potential).

So you see what I mean. This is a clear-cut conspiracy.

We called an emergency meeting here at WoodChips Central and the current opinion is we’re sticking with the real, true Zodiac, although Elmer and Woody, who are both now an Ophiuchus, are leaning more toward the new one because they think it will make them more popular – particularly after they heard Brad Pitt is one (go figure).

Anyhow, not that we endorse this or anything, but if you’re curious about the new Zodiac, here it is.

So there you have it. I hope it doesn’t traumatize you too much. We debated over whether to write about it because we like to stay upbeat here at the WoodChips. But we felt it was our journalistic responsibility to let our readers know.

And don’t lose hope. I fully expect to see full Senate and House investigations into this on Capitol Hill. This is just the kind of thing our politicians really like to get into. After all, jobs, the economy, deficit reduction and other trivialities just won’t stack up to this.

So let us know how you’re holding up. We’re all concerned here at WoodChips Central. Just click on the title of this post, and send us your thoughts in the comments box that will appear below.

Hang in there and Godspeed– J. Daniel (formerly a Virgo, now a traumatized and confused Leo)

P.S. Other famous people besides Brad Pitt that are now an Ophiuchus are Katie Holmes, Milla Jovovich, Jay-Z, Taylor Swift and Brendan Fraser.

I received many great comments on the post I Want My Knobs Back where I opined on how overly complex things are getting – particularly copy machines. 

Astute reader Elaine, who correctly points out that I am a technology guy at heart, said, “First, in a strange way, it is ironic that a ‘technology guy’ like yourself is having difficulty with ‘technology’.”  Can you imagine what little old ladies are experiencing?  

I agree with both points.  It is ironic, and I have actually been known to say, “Gee, if I can’t figure this out, how can a little old lady begin to deal with it?” 

To the first point, Elaine actually comes up with the same answer I do when she says, “In my mind, this whole thing started with the word processing programs.  When all we wanted to do was edit and print documents, we got features we didn’t need.  Now what we continue to get is every function imaginable.  If you can dream it up, will never use it or maybe use it once in a lifetime, you’ll have it in the next version – guaranteed.” 

I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

So all I can add is that Alvin Toffler, the futurist and author of Future Shock, wrote about this very thing in 1970.  I was a young man then and his book made a major dent in my brain which remains today (along with other accumulated dents – chuckle).  He made a number of important points about too much change in our lives, and the increasing speed of change as we move into the future. 

But to Elaine’s point, he also talked about a concept of “overchoice,” that we would face so many choices that some of us would virtually go into “future shock.” 

He illustrated this by describing the huge shelf space reserved for toothpaste in grocery stores, and how we are faced with so many choices over a basic item.  We spend confusing minutes trying to decide which to buy – and it’s just a simple, basic item.  This is eerily familiar to Elaine’s comments 40 years later (or maybe not, after all, he was a futurist).

Alvin said “[Overchoice takes place when] the advantages of diversity and individualization are canceled by the complexity of buyer’s decision-making process.”

Elaine thinks the advantages of all these software features are canceled by the complexity they introduce.  I agree and feel the same way about the 10,000 features on the copy machine.

Alvin drove his point home by publishing his book in many different colored covers.  So when I went to buy my copy, there was Future Shock in a blue cover, yellow cover, green cover and red cover.  So, of course, it took me a few minutes to decide which color of his book I wanted to buy (I think he was a bit of a comedian as well). 

So Elaine was spot on with her comments, and I thank her for sharing my “overchoice” pain. 

Which is why, in a complicated world, with too much change, and technological, meaningless overchoice, it’s nice to get back to nature, and contemplate the friendly basics.  Like trees for example. 

Some of us are so “overchoiced” we even draw cartoons about them. 

Have a simple day – J. Daniel

P.S. Important point here – I chose the red cover. 

P.P.S. The following links are interesting if you want to learn more about overchoice and Future Shock. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overchoice 

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=future+shock&x=7&y=17