Missing Chips? Blame Stock Market For Beginners
You may have noticed a slowdown in the number of WoodChips newsletters the past two months. I typically shoot for publishing the newsletter two to four times a month. Lately it’s been more toward the two times a month publication frequency.
This is because I’ve been busy writing my latest book Stock Investing For Beginners. I have a long history of investing, starting with trading silver futures in the late 70′s. Some of you may also be unaware that I was a Financial Consultant and liscensed stockbroker with the New York Stock Exchange in my past. I had a nice office in beautiful downtown Coral Gables, Florida for a while.
The book is oriented toward beginning stock investors who essentially know nothing, but have that nagging feeling they should know more and be doing something about investing. I carefully explain just the essential basics, and I always explain each one starting with something you already understand.
It just chaps my backside to see introductory material that immediately starts off with complicated terms no one understands. I have a real thing about that — which works to your advantage.
So here’s how I do it when explaining the New York Stock Exchange. I begin this way …
The New York Stock Exchange is just an auction.
You know, like an auction where there’s a guy talking real fast to sell dearly departed Aunt Mable’s rocking chair to a bunch of people.
And different people keep bidding a higher and higher price until someone discovers they bid the highest price and now they own the rocking chair.
That’s all the New York Stock Exchange is, really.
An auction.
See what I mean? You may not be an expert on the stock exchange after reading this, but you at least have a clue what we are talking about.
For all the simplicity of the explanations, the book gives you serious steps on how to get started and how to increase your odds of success. It describes the simple method I use for personal investment, so even if you are an intermediate level investor this method could be of value to you.
I describe in one of the chapters how I invested $10,000 that turned into $28,000 in 18 months — and is still paying me a 20% dividend today. I invested in a little known asset class that trades just like stocks, and trades just as easy. Also, you don’t need $10,000 to start these types of investments. You can invest for less than $100. It’s one of my favorite types of investments.
If this interests you, and you think you might be interested in buying the book in the future (no obligation, of course), just shoot me an email with “invest” in the subject line at jdaniel@TheWoodChips.com and I’ll put you on the list to receive a sample chapter describing this investment type.
Please note that the book is for education purposes only. I’m required to say I’m not offering investment advice since I am no longer a licensed broker or affiliated with a broker-dealer.
The 125 page book is completely written after two months of work and I’m just going through the final revision stages which will be complete in the Fall. It will be offered at our companion site LiveLearnAndProsper (under construction) as an instant e-book download and contain a number of stock trading secrets.
Okay, so all that said, back to the WoodChips.
Wishing you a great day.
P.S. You will notice my nom de plume as John Roberts for the book. I use John for my more formal writing. I have the problem of going by my middle name so I invented a term for this called supermedialturbationomacism (pronounced super-medial-turbatio-nomacism). Google now recognizes the term. To see the original humorous post when I created the word, click Do You Suffer From Supermedialturbationomacism?
Please Stop Flying Your Private Jets
For all you readers out there that have been flying around in your private jets, please stop at once.
We are being advised from the highest political levels that you are destroying our economy — please see our press photo above of a recent presidential speech from HealthcAir Force One (Air Force One) concerning extravagant spending executives who fly around in private jets.
I personally don’t own a private jet, but if I did, I’d quit using the #*%! thing. Just look at what all that jet flying did to the stock market last week. Geez, down 600 points, then up 400, back down 500 or so, on and on. It’s too much for a body to take.
We normally don’t comment on politics too often (chuckle) but WoodChips Central felt it would be irresponsible if we didn’t post this public announcement.
So just stop flying those private jets so we can get this economy and the stock market turned around and everything will be just fine.
Thanks, and have a nice day – J. Daniel
P.S. Additional benefit — I gather that stopping all that extravagant private jet flying will cause the national debt to just disappear or something.
Debt Crisis, Dunkin Donuts and Football
WoodChips football expert J. Schmidbauer advises me that the football season is upon us and thank God for that. I think you’ll all agree after the past couple of months we could use a break.
It has been positively stressful lately. We’ve faced numerous simutaneous crises such as 1) a football strike, 2) inability to invest in Dunkin Donuts and 3) some trifling budget deficit thing I kept hearing about on TV.
Anyhow, the country faced up to these problems, rallied and showed its true national priorities.
First, we took care of the football problem and ended the strike. I don’t know all the details here but just guessing there were probably gazillions of dollars involved to get this done – and money well spent, I might add. This undoubtedly averted a national meltdown.
Speaking of football, my British friend Ken Taylor once cracked me up at a pub with his droll observation that in American football we wear crash hats (helmets). I think the implication may have been we are a bit wussy compared to English football – sans crash hats – and well; he may be on to something with that. Never underrate the British, my friends. They are a tough lot.
Anyhow, back to the second crisis facing the country, EVERY American eats Dunkin Donuts all the time, especially the police — but none of us could invest in the company. This has been a national tragedy in the offing for some time.
Then, miracle of miracles, Dunkin Donuts went public with a stock offering and now everyone can invest in this American staple diet item.
This no doubt averted a congressional convention to amend the constitution which would have read something like “Congress shall pass no law that prohibits life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and shares of Dunkin Donuts,” or something like that.
Which averted another BIGGER crisis of Congress going back into session, i.e. as the late, great Will Rogers always said, “The only time the country is safe is when Congress is not in session.”
Whew – so we got a pass on that one. Two down, one to go.
Then we had this trifling budget deficit thing which I almost didn’t report because I don’t know what really got done.
Basically we owe a butt load of money and Congress wrangled around about reducing the debt and ultimately decided to create some super committee and let them decide what to do with it later. So at least they didn’t kick the can down the road and we can all be thankful for that.
Come to think of it, this courageous decision did lead to one very positive outcome which was that all the television reporting stopped. Thank goodness, because this was really looking like some very bad Washington D.C. Reality TV.
Ummm … also then all the congressmen went home so we’re safe again.
All that said, its clear America has not lost its core values and those that write us off prematurely do so at their peril. After all, solving our problems in this priority order of 1) football, 2) Dunkin Donuts and 3) that little debt thing … hey, that just says it all, doesn’t it?
So don’t give up on America yet. Our national will is still very much intact.
Is this a great country or what?
Have a nice day – J. Daniel
Have You Got An ID?
There isn’t much crime in the WoodChips Forest so DeadWood, who has a really cool Holly Davidson Unicycle, serves as the volunteer police. Most of his crime fighting activity is pulling people over for speeding. He just pulled Mimosa over and she seems a bit confused by his question.
Cloud Computing – What The #%@! Is It?
I keep hearing more and more these days about cloud computing, a rather vaporous term that is hard to get a solid grip on.
As best I can tell computing has arrived at such an advanced, cheap and reliable state that we no longer need to worry about it. We can throw our computers and software away and just plug in for computing like electricity in our wall sockets.
Thank God computing has finally arrived at this celestial state of reliability.
Except for the other day when my Outlook Contacts program suddenly lost its ability to search when I wanted to look up someone’s phone number … as in CONTACT SOMEONE!
Perhaps I mistakenly plugged into one of those real dark cumulonimbus thunderstorm clouds or something. After all, it certainly couldn’t be the shoddy software development of MillySoft (not the real company name) who developed MS Outlook Contacts.
Moving (quickly) on to another cloud benefit, there is also the reduced cost as applications are shared across many users. Just plug in and pay for what you need.
Hey, the cost could come down so much it’s just too cheap to meter … hmmm … where have I heard that term before … oh, right, that was what they were saying about nuclear energy in the 50’s — so they may need to work on that one.
Anyhow, yet another promise of cloud computing occurs when more people need to use a certain business critical application, like Outlook, PowerPoint, Facebook or on-line Pokerand viola, another copy floats into existence just in time.
I think this cloud-floating-software thing is done by harnessing the evaporation point of warm tropical ocean seawater or something – which logically means even more cloud software will magically appear as global warming quits pussyfooting around and really gets underway. This is a climate change benefit not widely reported in the mainstream media (go figure).
Also seldom reported is the psychic-artificial-intelligence component I always experience in our cloud at work (some people think that I am in a cloud at work but those people are what I like to call “wrong”).
It is uncanny that every time I’m five minutes away from a serious deadline and putting in the final critical points of my PowerPoint presentation, the cloud shifts me to a slower version of PowerPoint, actually a crawling version, so I always come close to blowing my deadline.
Apparently the cloud has an abundance of the crawling versions.
Anyhow, that said, there you have it on cloud computing. While the term is a bit vaporous and unclear, it holds out great promise for all of humanity. Hopefully I’ve clarified the term and enlightened you on the subject.
Key points to remember are, 1) an abundance of applications with more on the way due to global warming, 2) a reduction in cost to the point of “too cheap to meter,” and 3) by far the most important point – TOTAL COMPUTING RELIABILITY! …
… must sign off quickly now, my cloud Word processor has mysteriously started typing … choeo%90jad aod0q390wfwpfw oeflf … #$@%& (that’s me) … s%kfdi*94 d 40()84jksdgjek..so.eejf,w.tk[rg;grftrkpgopeekkwepgor[hpk …
Don’t Believe The Demise Of American Exceptionalism
A lot is being made of the demise of America and the decline of American exceptionalism these days. All I seem to hear about are things like defaulting on our 14 trillion dollar debt, the destruction of our currency, the last space shuttle flight and rumored price increases at Starbucks.
This just goes to show you how the media always gets it wrong by dramatizing trivial news items just to get ratings.
Personally, I think the media is rather shallow.
That said, I recently experienced a true life inspirational American story. And of course it’s the type of human interest story you never hear in the mainstream media.
It happened at work the other day. I was talking to Steve, a friend and business associate of mine, who told me he just bought a ginormous 60 inch flat screen TV. I, of course, was full of total admiration and television envy. Even more so as it dawned on me that he had bought a TV bigger than his cubicle at work.
The thought caused me to swell up with pride. All Americans aspire to owning ginormous flat screen TV’s. This was the American dream writ large. If owning a flat screen TV bigger than your cubicle is not American exceptionalism, well, I just don’t know what is.
I walked back from his cubical thinking, is this a great country or what?
So I wanted to share that inspirational story with you in the hope that it reinforces your belief in America like it did mine.
Forget all the trivial news about trillion dollar debt defaults, endless budget debates and currency destruction (although the Starbucks thing is problematic).
Let’s just focus on things of real lasting significance. Like a recent speech from one of our dedicated Washington Congressmen when he said, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are endowed with certain unalienable rights like Life, Liberty, the pursuit of Happiness and Big Screen TV’s.”
You just can’t go far wrong with that, now can you?
Have a nice day – J. Daniel
Note 1: It’s rumored the Congressman received big dollar campaign contributions from Best Buy, but I find that rather hard to believe.
Note 2: Also rumored – the Congressman is a Constitutional revisionist. You decide.
Note 3: Further rumored that the Congressman was from Idaho and sucking up to the CPPAC – Couch Potato Political Action Committee. Now that’s just cynical and crass!
4th of July Independence Day and Canada Day
Seems like the WoodChips are getting all geared up for the 4th of July. They’re getting ready to lght up a big rocket from Cape Canopy, Florida. That’s their Cape Canaveral. They are hoping their fireworks can be seen all the way north to Canada.
So depending on which side of the border you live on, all the WoodChips want to wish you a happy 4th of July Independence Day celebration, or for our Canadian friends and readers a very happy Canada Day.
Wishing you the best – J. Daniel
TMA – Too Many Acronyms
Don’t you just hate it when people use too many acronyms in a meeting?
I swear, the meetings I attend these days are nothing but acronyms – which makes them incredibly hard to understand.
One of the worst fields for acronym abuse is IT (Information Technology – i.e. Computers) whose name is even an acronym. I guess there’s a clue in there somewhere.
Years ago I used to attend an IT status meeting every Friday that was just full of acronym abuse. People were always saying things like “our SA is going into UT after we verify that RFS has the new PROC updates.”
Really?
Couldn’t you at least say our Sales Audit system will be User Tested after the Reference File System PROCedures are updated? That may still be cryptic to some, but at least it’s using real words and I at least get that SA is a computer system, not a plant or animal genus, or a person’s initials, or a government form. Well okay, so I can rule out government form because it’s too short – they’re more like 1040-A or something.
I swear, they need to start a twelve-step program called AA – Acronymers Anonymous. It would start with each person standing in front of the group and saying, “IAAA,” — I Am An Acronymer.
So back to the meeting, I decided one Friday to use totally made up meaningless acronyms when I gave my update. So I told everyone we were “finalizing the XB process for BPM at EOY,” with great authority.
Nobody questioned it (chuckle).
Which leads me to another interesting factoid I ran into that said that over 25% of executives admitted to using acronyms in meetings that they didn’t understand.
Hey, that can be serious.
For example, how do I know when someone says CYA if they mean “See Ya” or “Cover You’re A#@?” There is a difference.
Anyhow, the use of language has devolved so deeply into meaningless acronyms I am proposing a new concept in language. From now on let’s just draw simple pictures for things and use those as words.
Oh, that’s already been done, right. The Egyptians did that. They were called hieroglyphics.
Still, there are days I’m sure that this would be a step up from where we are.
Kind of a back to the future thing.
So anyhow, if we don’t want to go that route, let’s all agree right now to quit using acronyms, okay.
OK.
BCNU – J. Daniel
A Brief History Of WoodChip Golf
Many WoodChips enjoy a round of golf today, but are unaware their game was much different in the distant past as it evolved from the primordial Forest to modern times.
The history of WoodChip golf can be broken down into roughly three major periods, these being the early Paleogolfic, the Mezzogolfic, and the Contempogolfic, or modern period.
In the Paleogolfic, CavePeople camping near Forest Eden would sometimes start swinging sticks and stones for no apparent reason (the CavePeople weren’t all that bright, really). Occasionally, out of sheer luck, one would actually hit a stone with their stick, and it would go whistling through the forest.
Early trees, sensing the danger of this act, began shouting, “Forest, Look Out!” to warn other trees to move their limbs out of harms way. Eventually this phrase was shortened to “Forest!” and then ultimately just to “Fore!”
The practice continues to this day.
The Mezzogolfic period can be characterized as a more proactive and less defensive time. The trees began to deliberately move their limbs in front of the flying golf objects, now known as golf balls. This was feasible because the golf balls were not as painful to the trees as their rock predecessors had been.
The period starts somewhere in the 1800’s in Scotland, where the ScottishPeople began to wear silly looking hats, as well as funny pants known as knickers, walking around swinging wood and metal sticks, known as clubs, and hitting golf balls.
The trees of the period, thinking this was really ridiculous, began to amuse themselves by stopping as many golf balls as possible, much to the consternation of the Scotch, who ultimately took to inventing and imbibing a strong drink, which they named Irish Whiskey, to relieve their frustration.
Both of these practices, i.e. forest trees jumping (or gumping, in Auld Scottish) in front of golf balls, and golfers relieving their frustrations with strong drink, have carried over into the golf of today.
Modern WoodChip golfers have fully embraced these practices of the game, also wearing silly hats and loudly colored one-legged knickers around their trunks. Modern play is a cross between conventional People golf, i.e. putting the ball in a hole, and dodge ball, as some golfers now prefer to try to hit other trees in the surrounding forest (known as Gumpers).
The greatest of all WoodChip golfers was Palmer (depicted in this scholarly article). Palmer was affectionately known as Arnie, although no amount of historical research has ever been able to reveal the source of his nickname.
Arnie was a purist, advocating the use of woods only. To this day, most WoodChips use wooden clubs, their favorite being a wooden wedge used for chip shots. The WoodChips are exceptionally good at this type of shot, some chipping for over two hundred yards. This is often called an Arnie.
In summary, it appears WoodChip golf is here to stay, the sport being truly ingrained in wood culture. While many golf futurist have unsuccessfully tried to predict the evolution of the game (known as Fore-Casting), only time will reveal the future variations the WoodChips will bring to the sport.
Have a great day – J. Daniel
