A Hungry Drink
So the old Captn Stumpy tells Woody he’s hungry, so what do they do? Well, naturally they want to get a drink at the Bark ‘n Barley Bar. That’s some pair of characters there.
WoodChips Viewed In 85 Countries Around The World
The WoodChips are regularly viewed in 85 countries around the world. Can you guess the top five?
Well, the United States at number one is probably a gimme. But how about the next five (see chart below)?
You might be surprised.
If you look at the number of pages viewed, the next five are Germany, the Ukraine, Great Britain, China and Qatar (ignoring the generic description of European country).
However, I tend to look at how many people from different countries actually visited the site – this is a statistic called web hits.
And based on this statistic, the numbers are a bit more what you would expect. Our good friends in Great Britain take first place, followed by Canada, Ukraine, China, Germany, Europe (overall) and Hong Kong.
Would you have guessed these countries, in that order?
Have a nice international day – J. Daniel
Hoping Your Thanksgiving Rocks
Many tree rings ago, in about 1620 more or less, there was a small forest in the old world of England. The trees in this forest wore funny hats and big shoe buckles on their roots and were known as Pilgrims, although no one really knows why they were called such an un-tree like name.
Why they were not called the Oaks, or even Quercus Roburs, the Latin name for English Oak, because lots of trees spoke Latin back then, remains an historical mystery to this day.
All that aside, life was okay for the PilgrimTrees, but day by day they grew more discontent in the old Forest. Their unhappiness stemmed from the fact that they were not allowed freedom of exercise.
So they decided to split for the New Forest.
Actually, to be historically accurate, they had already split once to another forest called Holland, a crazy kind of place where the trees wore wooden shoes which the Pilgrims thought was just too weird. Worse yet, in Holland, they had too much freedom to exercise and some of them were just plum tuckered out.
So split they wood, yet again, for a forest far across the ocean called America. That decided, they went shopping for a big boat from a used boat salesman called Sir Woody. The whole negotiation was pretty iffy until Woody made up a cute name for the boat and told the Pilgrims it was called the Mayflower.
The Pilgrims really liked that, so they sealed the deal, hopped aboard and set sail for the New Forest across the ocean.
Their voyage was long and they sailed through many storms, the trees swaying back and forth in the breeze to keep their balance. After many months, as they neared the shores of the New American Forest, another storm came up. As the wind howled through the mast trees, the sky became very dark, so dark in fact that the Captain couldn’t see where he was going and they crashed into a big rock. Fortunately, their used boat didn’t sink, and as the storm passed, the sky lightened so they could see where they were.
To their amazement, the big rock they’d crashed into had a 1959 Plymouth with big tail fins parked on it. Now, they had been told about this back in the old forest, but many had dismissed it as urban legend. One of the teenage trees shouted, “Hey, that Plymouth rocks” and from that time forward, the place was known as Plymouth Rock.
Such is how history is made.
Anyhow, here was undeniable proof that they had arrived at the American Forest so the Pilgrim Trees were thankful. And this was not to be the last time they were to be thankful, as we are about to see.
So they all hopped off the boat, waded ashore and built a bunch of houses, because they knew winter would soon be upon them. Everything seemed okay until they realized they were hungry and didn’t have any food.
Miracle of miracles, about this time they noticed about ninety New World trees wearing loincloths with feathers sticking out of their heads walking their way. The New World trees introduced themselves and said they were called Indians, and asked if the Pilgrim trees would like something to eat.
The Pilgrim trees said, “Sure thing” and thought to themselves they were already liking the New Forest a lot. So they helped the Indians bring all the food to their houses so they could have a big feast.
They all set down to a big meal of turkey with dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, jelled cranberry’s in a can, sweet potatoes, fertilizer and mulch. It was quite a feast, by any standard, old world or new.
After the feast, the Pilgrim trees showed the Indians all of the exercises they were now free to do. They lifted weights, ran in place, which is how most trees run, really, did some cool aerobics, and showed the Indians pilates which the Indians mispronounced as pilots, but that doesn’t matter much, really.
The Indians thought this was a lot of fun, so they showed the Pilgrim Trees how to plant mashed potatoes and gravy, maize and those funny little cans of cranberries so they wouldn’t be hungry anymore and could feed themselves.
The Pilgrim trees were very thankful for all of this new information, and their full bellies, and their freedom to exercise. So they decided that every year in the fall, to show their thankfulness, they would wear really bright colored leaves, have a big feast, and call that meal Thanksgiving.
To this day, you can see the trees putting on their festive colored leaves in the Fall, getting ready for their Autumn feast. And you can actually visit Plymouth rock – all proof of the historically accurate origins of a WoodChips Thanksgiving as it is practiced to this day.
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1 The Pilgrim Trees favorite pilates was “hug a tree.” Go figure.
2 Note that the 1959 Plymouth was washed away over the years by the action of the sea, but a portion of the rock remains to this day.
New Rule For Washington-That Will Fix Their @#$!
It seems that all Washington politicians want to do is spend our money to get re-elected. That’s it – money and re-election. So if they want to get re-elected so bad, let’s make a new rule.
The new rule is a law that says “anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP, all sitting members of Congress – and the President - are ineligible for re-election.”
Let’s call it the 3% Law. And let’s pass the 3% Law – that will fix their @#$!
I’d love to take credit for this idea, but honestly, my good friend Dave sent me an email with this thought. And the email says the idea came from a quote by Warren Buffett. The email is one of those internet chain letters you are supposed to pass around, but there is some basis of truth in it.
Researching it a bit, I found that in the Wall Street Journal, Warren did say this in July, on CNBC, in an interview with Becky Quick – although his intent wasn’t to start a chain letter. Other people added that part (click to see Wall Street Journal article).
And I did change the idea just a bit myself, i.e. the original idea was for Congress only. I added the President in the mix too. I’m thinking the number one White House executive, whoever they are, can always use a little fiscal motivation as well.
I list some other ideas from the email below. You might warm up to them. They call it the Congressional Reform Act of 2011, although I like the much simpler 3% Law. Now, to get the “do-Nothing” Congress to … hmmmm … do this. Now there’s the rub, isn’t it.
So what do you think about 3% Law? Feel free to click the title of this post and write your comment in the box that appears below.
And have a nice day – J. Daniel
P.S. Here are some more new rules proposed in the email …
1. No Tenure / No Pension. A Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.
2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security. All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.
3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.
4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.
5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.
6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.
7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective 1/1/12. The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen. Congressmen made all these contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work. If each person contacts a minimum of twenty people then it will only take three days for most people (in the U.S.) to receive the message. Maybe it is time.
THIS IS HOW YOU FIX CONGRESS!
If you agree with the above, feel free to copy the link to this page and pass it on – http://thewoodchips.com/new-rule-for-washington-that-will-fix-their-xxx
Chicken Gizzard Soup
So I have to confess, I do actually like chicken gizzards, probably something I shouldn’t say out loud or in polite company. Because I understand people come down pretty hard one way or the other on them — there’s no in-between opinion.
I had some friends over for a barbecue one afternoon and offered them some chicken gizzards as an appetizer. My friend Marty declined with an unambiguous opinion that “what was inside the chicken should STAY inside the chicken.” I took that as a no.
Anyhow, I haven’t had or cooked Chicken Gizzard soup – it just seemed like a fun idea for a cartoon. I’ll probably find out this is some French delicacy I’ve been unaware of all these years – I mean, after all, if you like snails, I don’t see chicken gizzards as a big stretch from there.
So how do you come down on chicken gizzards??? Feel free to respond to our critical 2012 Presidential Primary Chicken Gizzards Straw Poll – just click this posts title and leave you unambiguous opinion in the comment box that magically appears at the bottom of the page.
Possible responses are …
A. I LOVE Chicken Gizzards
B. Yech!!! I DON’T like Chicken Gizzards – what’s inside the chicken by God ought to stay inside the chicken
C. I am neither for nor against Chicken Gizzards
D. Hey, I am a chicken – I need my gizzard
And have a nice day – J. Daniel
of·fal - [aw-fuhl, of-uhl] – noun – the parts of a butchered animal that are considered inedible by human beings; – LIKE Chicken Gizzards.
The Woodsters Chiptionary
braggadocio [brag-uh-doh-shee-oh] noun, plural -cios
1. empty boasting, bragging
2. a boasting person, braggart
MillySoft [mill-ee-soft] company name
1. a ginormous computer software company, founded 1975, that markets the PC operating system WindowPains
2. many people believe I am actually referring to Microsoft and their Windows operating system – I ain’t sayin’.
