I was flying back to Orlando on Friday after being stranded in St. Louis due to the winter storm that hit Thursday — which had caused my flight to be canceled.  Lucky for me, I was able to reserve the last available seat on the flight.

You may imagine that the airport was a madhouse — and you would be correct in that thought.

As I was going through the TSA security, a nice, attractive couple was in front of me.  Then, big surprise, for some reason, the woman was pulled aside by the TSA for a thorough search.
Honest to God, I would have never thought her a terrorist, but then I’m just a low life American tax-paying citizen layman when it comes to airport security, so what do I know, really.

As she was being spread eagled and electronically wanded and searched and patted down, I was reassembling all my things, putting my shoes and belt back on, making sure I still had both of my laptops, my iphone, my billfold, my money, my suitcase, my briefcase, my overcoat, my suit coat, my driver’s license, my boarding pass, my sanity and anything else I had disassembled into ten plastic tubs to get through the checkpoint.

As she was cleared, I overheard her husband nearby say, “wasn’t that a wonderful massage, dear.”  My madcap sense of humor kicked into high gear and I looked at her and said, “Do you have a great sense of humor?”

She said yes, so I pulled this WoodChips card out of my pocket and gave it to her and said, “You might like this – because you have just been through it.”

She smiled and took the card and I moved on out of the security area and started walking toward my gate, thinking, gee, I hope her and her husband don’t take offense.  A couple of minutes later, as this thought was starting to pass out of my mind, her husband … hmmm … a rather large guy, approached me. Read the rest of this entry »

Soooo … it’s getting down to the wire on getting a Valentines Day card. Actually, if you were planning on mailing it, I’m sad to say, you may be too late.

No worries. You can send our free WoodChips TreeCard (e-card) pictured above and it will arrive instantly. Outside of showing a fun, forest twist on Valentines day, it just might keep you out of the doghouse, or at least get you parole.

So go ahead and send it — you can add a personalized message made just for that special person you are thinking about.

To send your Valentines Day Tree-Card click here. Or you can click on the TreeCards menu button at the top of this page.  Then just search through the holidays menu and you can send it.

So have a nice day and don’t forget to do this, I’m trying to help you out here – J. Daniel

P.S. If you are in the male gender, I’d be sure and buy some flowers and chocolates too. Flowers for the heart, and, well, when it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.  If you’re a gal, well, I’ll leave the gift idea up to you.  I’m sure you can come up with something :-).

Cartoon Text:

Mimosa (the bartender): Woody, you shouldn’t eat all of that (cheeseburger), it has a lot of fat in it.

Woody (the bar customer raising a huge cheeseburger to his mouth): Fat, Schmat!  My only problem with fat is there’s no sugar in it.

Cartoon dialog for our visually challenged friends:

Two ancient Mayans, with their bodacious headgear made of a gold crown with a big bird on it, are standing in front of one of the huge Mayan pyramids.  The steps leading down from the pyramid are numbers by years, ending with 2010, 2011 and finally, the last and bottom step 2012.

Mayan 1: Hmmm – so 5000 years X 365 days = 1460000 = 12/21/2102 = the end of the world.

Mayan 2: Your math’s all wrong – it’s 1825000 days = 12/21/3012.

Mayan 1: OOOPS – So I calculated a 1000 years too soon.

Mayan 2: No big deal.

Mayan 1: Yeah – who’s going to notice.

Mayan 2: Let’s do lunch.

Mayan 1: Good idea – I’ll get my bow and arrow.

Hey, I just wanted to get you prepared for the next end of world thing coming up.

It’s actually hard to keep track of all these end of worlds these days.  I’m not even sure what the proper grammar is for end of worlds, what with there’s only really supposed to be one of them.

It’s like how all the astrophysicists keep confusing me these days, what with talking about multiple universes.  What!!!  I thought the universe was supposed to be everything.  How can you be having multiples of everything.

Well anyway, we survived the last end of the world a couple of years ago.  You’ll recall that was when some whack-a-doodle Florida guy apparently got his date math all wrong.  We really seem to have problems with math down here in Florida.  I mean, bad end of the world date math, can’t seem to count presidential elections right kind of math – ya know – basic stuff.

But whatever, just in case this is the BIG ONE, we prepared an accurate Mayan End of the World calendar for you.  You’ll note that days after December 21st are greyed out, what with there won’t be any world after that.

So at least you’ll go into this thing with a proper calendar.

Hey, who’s lookin’ out for ya, huh.

See you on the other side – I hope (chuckle) – J. Daniel

Cartoon Dialog:

Conversation in the White House on the edge of a Fiscal Cliff.

We’re out of money, O’Bark. What are we going to do to keep “going forward?”

Tax the rich.

OK Boss – we taxed the rich and spent all the money.  Now we’re out of money again and the people will be upset.

Hmmm – any tasteless YouTube cartoons out there we can blame it on?

Good idea, Boss – or even tasteless political cartoons like this one.

Exactly.

So sometimes I have second thoughts on the sensitivity of a cartoon — and this is one of them.  I changed it to be a bit more politically correct by Mimosa correcting Woody and pointing out he was being insensitive.  You can compare it to the cartoon posted earlier and see what you think.

I try to use two guidelines for my humor — and they are Red Skelton and Walt Disney, among others.  Red Skelton never used bad language and still was very funny.  Of course, he insinuated a lot and came right up to the line, but never seemed to cross it.  I’ve always like that about him.

And Disney is a good guideline because he tried to entertain and educate.

I think I couldn’t do much better picking cartoonist models for the WoodChips, don’t you?

Have a nice day – J. Daniel

Cartoon Dialog:

Woody and Mimosa are in the GrocerTree store choosing a frozen Bummerball Turkey — you know, the ones that are packed in the plastic netting.

Woody: What do you think of this turkey, Mimosa?

Mimosa: Ummm – I don’t know.  You’d think the turkeys would see the net and just run.

Have a happy Thanksgiving – J. Daniel

The first FREE 2013 WoodChips calendar is now available.

To get your free calendar just click here Get Free 2013 WoodChips Calendar.

And be sure to share this webpage to your friends so they can get their free calendars too.

Have a nice day – J. Daniel