Cartoon Text:

Mimosa (the bartender): Woody, you shouldn’t eat all of that (cheeseburger), it has a lot of fat in it.

Woody (the bar customer raising a huge cheeseburger to his mouth): Fat, Schmat!  My only problem with fat is there’s no sugar in it.

Cartoon dialog for our visually challenged friends:

Two ancient Mayans, with their bodacious headgear made of a gold crown with a big bird on it, are standing in front of one of the huge Mayan pyramids.  The steps leading down from the pyramid are numbers by years, ending with 2010, 2011 and finally, the last and bottom step 2012.

Mayan 1: Hmmm – so 5000 years X 365 days = 1460000 = 12/21/2102 = the end of the world.

Mayan 2: Your math’s all wrong – it’s 1825000 days = 12/21/3012.

Mayan 1: OOOPS – So I calculated a 1000 years too soon.

Mayan 2: No big deal.

Mayan 1: Yeah – who’s going to notice.

Mayan 2: Let’s do lunch.

Mayan 1: Good idea – I’ll get my bow and arrow.

Hey, I just wanted to get you prepared for the next end of world thing coming up.

It’s actually hard to keep track of all these end of worlds these days.  I’m not even sure what the proper grammar is for end of worlds, what with there’s only really supposed to be one of them.

It’s like how all the astrophysicists keep confusing me these days, what with talking about multiple universes.  What!!!  I thought the universe was supposed to be everything.  How can you be having multiples of everything.

Well anyway, we survived the last end of the world a couple of years ago.  You’ll recall that was when some whack-a-doodle Florida guy apparently got his date math all wrong.  We really seem to have problems with math down here in Florida.  I mean, bad end of the world date math, can’t seem to count presidential elections right kind of math – ya know – basic stuff.

But whatever, just in case this is the BIG ONE, we prepared an accurate Mayan End of the World calendar for you.  You’ll note that days after December 21st are greyed out, what with there won’t be any world after that.

So at least you’ll go into this thing with a proper calendar.

Hey, who’s lookin’ out for ya, huh.

See you on the other side – I hope (chuckle) – J. Daniel

Cartoon Dialog:

Conversation in the White House on the edge of a Fiscal Cliff.

We’re out of money, O’Bark. What are we going to do to keep “going forward?”

Tax the rich.

OK Boss – we taxed the rich and spent all the money.  Now we’re out of money again and the people will be upset.

Hmmm – any tasteless YouTube cartoons out there we can blame it on?

Good idea, Boss – or even tasteless political cartoons like this one.

Exactly.

So sometimes I have second thoughts on the sensitivity of a cartoon — and this is one of them.  I changed it to be a bit more politically correct by Mimosa correcting Woody and pointing out he was being insensitive.  You can compare it to the cartoon posted earlier and see what you think.

I try to use two guidelines for my humor — and they are Red Skelton and Walt Disney, among others.  Red Skelton never used bad language and still was very funny.  Of course, he insinuated a lot and came right up to the line, but never seemed to cross it.  I’ve always like that about him.

And Disney is a good guideline because he tried to entertain and educate.

I think I couldn’t do much better picking cartoonist models for the WoodChips, don’t you?

Have a nice day – J. Daniel

Cartoon Dialog:

Woody and Mimosa are in the GrocerTree store choosing a frozen Bummerball Turkey — you know, the ones that are packed in the plastic netting.

Woody: What do you think of this turkey, Mimosa?

Mimosa: Ummm – I don’t know.  You’d think the turkeys would see the net and just run.

Have a happy Thanksgiving – J. Daniel

The first FREE 2013 WoodChips calendar is now available.

To get your free calendar just click here Get Free 2013 WoodChips Calendar.

And be sure to share this webpage to your friends so they can get their free calendars too.

Have a nice day – J. Daniel

So these days you’ve probably been hearing an awesome bunch of government numbers thrown around in the news and debates – all concerning taxes and the federal budget and deficit spending and what not.

I certainly have, and while watching the last debate it put me in mind of how real mathematicians treat numbers, which I will share with you – and also a cool party ice breaker you may want to use sometime.  So we’ll be mixing a bit of business with pleasure in this post.

Now hang in there with me because believe it or not – and you’ll be doubting it – I’m going to pull this all together in the end.  And, as I said, will be giving you a line that will make you sound really smart at your next party.

So, pleasure first, I say —  let’s get straight to the party ice breaker.

Imagine you’re at a cocktail party and there’s a lull in the conversation.  You could be real cool and casually say something like, “Do you know that mathematicians often use imaginary numbers.  They call one of them the number i.  It represents the square root of negative one, which is impossible to exist.”

I’m sure you can see the possibilities here – and may even be surprised you haven’t thought of this clever line yourself.  Because people are going to think you are really, really smart.  Some may offer to go get you another drink – maybe all of them, all at once … ummm, bolting off rather quickly.

That aside, perhaps you’re wondering why watching the political debates caused me to Read the rest of this entry »

Cartoon Text

TV Announcer: This evening in the RagMuffin Poll RomTree leads by 2 points, but in the GiddyUp Poll OBark is ahead by 2 points all outside the margin of error.

Mimosa: What’s it all mean, Woody?

Woody: That we are a Poll – arized nation

Tree Translation: About the Presidential election and all of the political polls

TV Announcer: This evening in the Rasmussen Poll Mitt Romney leads by 2 points, but in the Gallup Poll President Barack Obama is ahead by 2 points all outside the margin of error.

Mimosa: What’s it all mean, Woody?

Woody: That we are a polarized nation