Apple bobbing may be an ancient tradition that we have carried on to today.  There are some thoughts it may go all the way back to pre-Christian Ireland, although there is not much evidence to support this.  But we know more certainly the practice was around a couple of hundred years ago in the British Isles.

In Scotland it may be called dooking (ducking) and in some places in Ireland known as Snap Apple.  And over in Newfoundland, Halloween is also called Snap Apple night.

Unless you are a vampire with pointy teeth – a possibility on Halloween I guess – it is difficult to actually get the apple in your mouth.  Best to push one to the side of the barrel where you can push against it.  Or if you are really imbued with the spirit, push one all the way to the bottom to get a grip on it.  You won’t need to wash your hair after that maneuver.

And finally, the WoodChips really get down with this apple bobbing thing and Halloween in general – especially the apple trees.

So have a Happy Halloween dooking those Snap Apples – J. Daniel

Two Tiered Flat Tax!  Wow, think about it.  Only a politician can say an oxymoron like that with a straight face.

That’s kind of funny when you think about it.  I thought a flat tax meant the whole tax code was simplified and everyone paid the same tax (per cent).  Ummm … I’m thinkin’ that’s one tier, right?  Saying two-tiered flat tax is like saying I’m for it and against it it one sentence, right?

So, whether you’re for the flat tax or against it, my financial ecology dander got up big time because I saw a politician proudly stating  he was all for the two tiered flat tax on Kudlow tonight.  These guys just have to complicate the simplest thing.  And my mind reels with his inevitably certain evolution of the thing.

Pretty soon he’ll be caving in to some of us to tax those rich @#%#$@$ at a higher rate and have a third tier.  Then a fourth tier for those richer @#$$#@.  And a fifth for the really rich @#$%^$#@.  Then a really wealthy constituent group in banking (who may have contributed to his campaign) will apply a little pressures and so he’ll back off and declare the need for a reduced tier 5, let’s say tier 4b-1.

Then all the other groups will want a special tier as well –  heck, I think they ought to have a special cartoonist tier, don’t you?  And of course there are folks not so well off, so he’ll decide on something less than tier 1, like tier 1/2-a, then even a lesser tax for some, let’s say tier 10/40^th’s, call it 1040a for short, and so on and so.

You get the picture.  A morass of self interest in the name of simplification.

Maybe we need to stop polluting the world with these sorts of unnatural things.  Because pretty soon there will be forty-eleven tiers and half tiers and fractional tiers, generating tons of paperwork (read killed trees) while the honorable Mister Two-tiered Flat Tax tries to play us against each other to get re-elected.

And then we’ll finally get the flat tax — the forty-eleven tiered version, I mean.

Oh, never mind, this is what we have today, isn’t it.  We already have the SIMPLIFIED forty-eleven tiered flat tax.  Which is why we all go pay a tax accountant to file our taxes.  Because it’s so simple, right?

Maybe we all need to start thinking about ecology with a wider view … like financial ecology … simpler, more natural, less rigged and complicated.  Or how about governmental ecology … better yet.  Maybe we should start a financial and governmental ecology movement.  Yeah, that’s it.  Let’s stop all this morass of complicated pollution.

So what are your feelings about the forty-eleven tiered flat tax?  Love it?  Hate it?  Wanna add some more special interest tiers?

Let me know your thoughts by clicking on this posts title and commenting in the box that appears below.

Have a nice day – J. Daniel (living the American dream somewhere between tax tier 1040a and 1.c-4a … section b).

P.S. Hmmmm … I think that’s my tax tier … gotta see my tax accountant about that.

Few things are as forlorn looking as pictures of deforestation.  What a dismal destruction of  habitat.  There has to be a better way.  But we must be careful not to create a greater problem.

In the past few years, people have begun to notice that we are saving many trees from this fate by using the internet more often where paper products were used in the past.

Companies throughout America are selflessly offering (and cajoling) us our statements online instead of mailing  us paper statements.  A friend of mine told me that they are doing it to save money, but I would have nothing of that, insisting that their motivation is for environmental causes only.

So while we may be using our computer screens more and paper less, I think it should be noted that said screens use electrons.  And if we are using more electrons to save the trees, couldn’t this be a short sighted tradeoff.  After all, we only have so many electrons in our universe and we could be using them all up.

We have to think these ecological tradeoffs through from end to end, people.

I recently came across a photograph, only slightly retouched, that I think proves my point.

Just look at this.  Isn’t it alarming?  Notice the two areas in the universe that seem to already be clearcut of electrons.

A discussion on particle physics might be useful here.  Please refer to the  microscopic image shown below.

Our universe is totally made up of electrons, protons and neutrons.  Actually there are other sub-atomic particles like quarks and leptons (recently a cure for that) but they are of no account and we will disregard them because they don’t fit my thesis so well.

As shown in the actual microscopic image above, protons are happy particles, neutrons are apathetic and undecided, and electrons are definitely negative.  But for all their negativity, they do some really important things, like create electricity and make electric motors run.

Did you get that electric motors thing?

That means that without electrons, there would be no motors to create refrigeration and blow heat.  Let me spell it out here.  No cold beer or hair dryers!

So you can see this is not a gender specific problem here — we are talking about the end of civilization as we know it if we use up all of our electrons.

So I got to thinking about how many electrons we have in the universe and the answer I came up with was 10 to the 42 power.  For those of you mathematically challenged, that’s a number that looks like this …

1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

For those of you REALLY mathematically challenged, that’s a big number.

Okay, enough said … so it seems we probably have enough electrons for now, although I’m still a bit worried about the picture showing the apparent clear cutting of the electrons.

We’ll keep monitoring the situation here at WoodChips Central and let you know if we start running out.  But we really have to start thinking these ecological tradeoffs through from end to end.  We could have had a real close call here.

Have a great day – and enjoy your cold beverages and hairdryers - J. Daniel

P.S. Feel free to comment by clicking this post title and commenting in the box that appears below.  Here are some possible questions you might want express an opinion on …

1. Is my research into the threat of using up all our electrons totally believable to you?

2. Does it bother you that I might have retouched the picture of the universe just a little bit to show how we’re using up our electrons?  Or do the ends justify the means where electron ecology is concerned?

3. Would you be willing to donate large sums of money (particularly if you answered yes to question 1) to my Save The Electrons Research Fund which will use the funds to purchase a new 34 foot research sailboat to count electrons off the Miami shores?

Isn’t it amazing how difficult it is to communicate with communication companies.  You’d think they’d be the very best at this.

But no, we call and hear repeated inane messages saying  “we value your business, please stay on the line.”  So strange.  Because often when I call a communication company I want to give them new business, i.e. I want to GIVE THEM MONEY!

I don’t know about you, but if someone called to give me money, I’d pick up the D#@m phone on the first ring.

Apparently many people feel the way I do.  I Googled the phrase “We value your business” and got 191,000,000 hits from the search.  Even for Google, this is a large number.

And the fun doesn’t stop there.  When you actually do get a human on the line, it’s like the company has serious Attention Deficit and Disorder issues, which is why the ginormous phone company pictured in the cartoon is called ad&d — note that any resemblance to a real phone company is purely coincidental.

And it’s not just the phone companies.  Take the credit card companies for instance.  When I call them, they ask me to enter my sixteen digit account number.  Then, minutes later, when a human picks up the phone, what is the first thing they ask me?  They say, “please tell me your sixteen digit account number.”

What happened to the one I just keyed into the phone?  Apparently the phone system ate it.  More ad&d if you ask me.  And there’s always some reason they need to transfer me to another department, which involves a long hold filled with loud, scratchy elevator music and repeated assurances that “they value my business.”

This is not confidence inspiring.

But it gets better.  Then they tell me they don’t actually do the service I called them about and that they have outsourced it to some company whose name sounds nothing like what I want.

A real life example might be instructive here.  Not long ago I bought a house and called a major phone company (let’s just say their name rhymed with ad&d) to get phone service.  I wasn’t asking for anything fancy, just a plain old land line – so plain in fact that I visualized this as connected to an old timey black desk phone with the curly cord that gets all snagged and bunched up all the time.  I’m talking basic service here.

They told me that they really preferred not to actually set up the service themselves (although they would for about $128) and that I should call their outsourced company called White Picket Fence or something like that if I wanted to actually get a phone installed at a lesser rate.  Amazing!  This was the phone company telling me they preferred to not set up phone service — and they wanted to fob me off to some other company with a meaningless name.

White Picket Fence!  What the H#@% does that have to do with phones?  I wasn’t doing a home improvement project, I just wanted a plain old land line attached to a plain old black desk phone (with the curly cord that gets all snagged and bunched up).  And, they wouldn’t even transfer me.  They gave me the phone number to dial myself.

Awesome customer service, don’t you think.  Anyhow, I did actually call White Picket Fence and the whole transaction went downhill from there – but I’ll spare you at this point.

So is it just me and the other 191,000,000 Google hits, or have you had similar experiences?  Click on the title of this post so you can leave your comments at the bottom of the page.

Please be sure to enter your sixteen digit account number.  And be prepared for me not to know it and ask again when I respond.  Sing or hum obnoxious elevator music at the top of your voice while commenting.  And when I get to you I’ll try not to transfer you to more than four or five other web sites.

And by all means, please stay on the site … um … we value your business, as they say.

Have a great day – J. Daniel

Did you know that the WoodChips are now viewed in over twenty-five countries on a regular basis?  They’re clearly becoming an international hit.

Top countries recently have been the United States and Canada.  No surprise here, really.  But most recently, viewing has increased significantly from Spain, the Russian Federation and the Republic of Serbia.

Wishing a  big friendly WoodChip welcome to all of our friends in countries around the world.

Have a nice day … ummmm … or evening …  or night … or morning … depending on your longitude.

J. Daniel

Hey, we’ve all experienced this one, yes.  You ask a simple question and someone launches into a long and complicated answer that may not even have anything to do with what you asked.  And maybe some of us, not you or me, of course, are guilty of doing this as well.

I did a little internet research on this, with emphasis on the little, and went out to Google for the answer to why people do this.  I typed in the following search question…   why do people not answer the question they are asked

By the way, my multi-word search is called a long tailed search in internet lingo, a fact I picked up recently from Brian, Director / Instructor at my Early To Rise Internet Boot Camp seminar, but I’m digressing here and not answering the question … see how easy that is to do … so here’s a sample of Google’s responses…

1. How to ask questions the smart way
2. Just because a question is asked, an answer is not required
3. Why do people answer questions when they do not know … and
4. Why do people ask stupid questions

None of Google’s responses answered my question … go figure.

So why do people not answer the question you asked them?  You can leave your answer here by clicking on this posts’ title and using the comment box that appears below.  Also, please answer the question (chuckle) or just ramble on, your choice.

Have a great day - J. Daniel

P.S. Did I answer your question?  What was the question, I forget?

June Nipper playing Mangroves Leaf You

June Nipper has been added to the characters page this month.  You’ll want to check out her profile – just click the Characters menu and scroll down.

Actually, June is one of the original WoodChips.  And what you may not know is that her character is patterned somewhat after a real person named Pat.  Like June Nipper, Pat’s a fun loving gal, a singer and a guitar player as well.  That June, she’s pretty much up for a party when the opportunity comes around.  And while I can’t say I’ve actually seen her balance a drink on her guitar while performing, I kind of think she can do it.

So check out June Nipper.  You’ll be hearing more about her in the future.

Have a great day – J. Daniel

My friend Dave just recently posted a picture like this on Facebook with the caption “Worked in this place last night.”

Sensing that the picture was the seat of government power, I did an immediate carpe moment, which is Latin for seize the moment or something like that and the following one-sided dialog ensued — by the way, these are the best kind of dialogs because people can’t argue with you or bother you with annoying facts.

Me: Wow, Dave … guess I have friends in high places now … good to know.

Me: Hmmmm … not to press our friendship or anything but could you push forward some legislation that sends significant bailout TARP money to sailors that formerly lived in Alton, worked at Express-Scripts and currently reside in Orlando … this is in the interest of National Security or something like that…

Me: Uh … to the National Security thing … these TARP funds will be used to purchase a new 34 foot Sailboat called the Saline Solution III which will be used to diligently ply the waters offshore of Miami keeping a sharp lookout for bad guys (that is when the Captn is not excessively fortified with Grog).

Now just coincidently, I happen to be an avid sailor, have lived in Alton, worked at said company, live in Orlando and owned a sailboat in Miami named the Saline Solution II before hurricane Wilma ate it.  So my thinking was that I was eminently qualified for the TARP funds, since everyone else seems to be getting them, including, most recently, the Wealthy Wall Street Bankers For Whales Fund, which I consider unfair and ridiculous because it seems to make fun of whales and they can’t type a response on their laptops because their flippers are too big.

So I’ll keep you posted on this.  In the meantime I hope you rest easier at night just knowing that more federal funds may be put to work to beef up our national security.

You feel better already, right?

Have a nice day – and always carpe moment when you get the chance – J. Daniel

In a humorous post a couple of months ago, entitled They Breed and Walk Among Us, the author described a classroom discussion at Purdue University about the qualifications for President of the United States.  The qualifications are that you must be a natural born citizen and 35 years old.

Simple enough.  However, per the article, one girl felt that the natural born citizen requirement was unfair because it kept many capable candidates from qualifying, ranting on with the question, “what about those born by c-section?”

So, of course, I checked her facts, and yup, sure enough, right there in the constitution (see below) there was no mention whatsoever of c-sections.

You’re probably thinking I cut the c-section part off, so here’s the full text which reads, “No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.”

Still no c-section thing.  So technically I guess she was correct (chuckle).

Now I have no idea if this is a true event or one of those internet attention grabbing urban myth things, so I take this cum grano salis.  And in deference to Purdue University, no doubt it is chock full of well informed people.  So don’t believe everything you read on the internet, except at The WoodChips site, of course.

I have no idea how I ran into this post, and you can laugh (or cry) about it if it is true, but it made a fun subject for a cartoon.  And a great segue for Captn Stumpy’s possible Presidential campaign.

After reviewing some of the competition’s governmental knowledge, and possible candidates in 2012, the old captain thinks he has a pretty good shot at running for President.  He’s currently investigating his natural born citizen qualifications to make sure he’s eligible, although this research is just a formality because he’s pretty sure he wasn’t born by c-section.  And he thinks he has two unassailable qualifications.

For one, he does a pretty mean stump speech.  And the real clincher is, he has a Facebook page, which qualifies you for just about anything except a home mortgage loan – of which there are no qualifications these days – so just go with me on this.

Stumpy’s final decision will rest on serious research into the availability of rum at the White House.

That said, he’s stumpin’ around these days, working on his campaign slogans, like “Grog in every pot” and “It’s the jobs, stupid … aarrrgghh.”

So if you want to support Captn Stumpy for President, or have a campaign slogan for him, just click on this post’s title and leave a comment at the bottom.  And go ask him to be your friend at Facebook (Captn Stumpy) … even if you’re a low down chum bucket knave varlet – or maybe especially so – he’ll say “aye matey.”

Hey, you never know, you could soon have friends in high places.

Life is Wood – J. Daniel

Post Script:

To see the post They Breed and Walk Among Us, go to http://eforum.reviewjournal.com/lv/showthread.php?p=712498.

You can find more fun articles by using the following search on Google – just copy and paste – purdue university girl natural born citizen and c-section

And on a more serious note, here’s a great discussion on the qualifications for President of the United States.  I think you will be surprised. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_born_citizen_of_the_United_States

Cum grano salis – Latin – with a grain of salt

If a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound is a philosophical question involving observation and reality.  The question has been around since about 1890 when Alexander T. Jackson, one of the great minds of the 20th century, first posed it?

At last we have the definitive answer. It’s obvious from the cartoon, which is our unshakeable evidence, that trees go to school to learn this stuff and the answer is “No.”

Remember you heard it here first at www.TheWoodChips.com.

You can learn more about this burning question at the link below.  Just two points before you go check it out.  First, don’t believe everything you read on the internet – except the WoodChips, of course.  And second, be prepared to have your eyes crossed with the metaphysical stuff – some people really take this seriously.  Anyhow, here’s the link –  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_a_tree_falls_in_a_forest.

Okay, back already?

So our question of the day is, “have you heard a tree fall in the forest, and did it make a sound?”  Huh???

Possible answers may be …

1. Yes, I heard a tree fall in the forest and it didn’t make a sound
2. No, I didn’t hear a tree fall in the forest, but it did make a sound

and the all important third choice of

1.b. I’m neither for nor against trees falling in the forest

You can reply by clicking this article’s title and entering comments.

Have a great day – J. Daniel