I suspect that you will need to design a much more powerful version or franchise the system so that it can run on big business or political computer networks and choke the garbage off at source.

One of my favourites is “This call may be recorded for quality or training purposes.” Which I suspect is code for “We are recording your voice and what you say so that we have something to use against you should you ever be stupid enough to complain.”

The translation for the carry-on baggage ‘option’ is simply “Welcome to _______ Airlines. Now sit down and shut up so the attendants can enjoy their flight”. You can fill in the airline name of your choice, since they all now seem to have the same crappy service level.